I have the flu. It started as a stomach ache on Tuesday. I started getting paranoid that it was appendicitis or something because that's just what I do. I'm very, very bad at being sick. Ridiculously bad about being sick. Normally I like to be all self-sufficient and mostly positive (while also being jaded and cynical - as a Gemini I can pull this off). But when I'm sick I just want someone to completely baby me; take care of me, bring me juice, make me soup and cocoa, pet my hair, change the TV channel, rent me movies and let me whine and cry about the pain and the sitting still and the not having any energy for anything and so on and so forth. I now am up to three reasons to be in a relationship; someone to travel with, someone to cook for/with and someone to take care of me when I'm sick.
But really, no one should be subjected to me when I'm sick. It's a horrible thing. I am a horrible thing. I whine constantly. When I'm not blowing my nose in a disgusting manner or running off to the bathroom or changing from one shapeless housedress into another. Yeah, I bring the anti-sexy into my sickly state. So gross.
Let me give you an example of the evil that is sick me.
Years and years ago I started dating this guy. Less than two months into the relationship I came down with Mono. It took a while to diagnose it though. Well, first it took forever to get me to the University Health Center. I was convinced they'd just tell me it was a viral infection and to get plenty of rest and fluids. I figured I could tell myself that and save me the time and hassle. Not that I actually bothered to get plenty of rest at this time. I ran around like a maniac like I always did. Even went on a long, long jaunt that wore me out way more than it should've. Since the 'viral infection' wasn't getting better and I was having low energy I was finally convinced to go to the health center. They thought it was mono and took my blood. The test came back negative for mono. The health center told me that either the mono wasn't showing up yet or I didn't have mono but instead had a mono-like virus. A Mono-LIKE virus. Whatever the hell that is. They took my blood for three weeks before it finally tested positive for mono. The fourth week I got my period. So a full four weeks of blood letting. Heh. Sorry, that always amused me and no one else.
Eventually the full force of my mono hit. And it was not pretty. Apparently lots of people just sleep and sleep and sleep when they have mono. I couldn't sleep. Not more than a couple of hours at a time. Nyquil didn't work, nothing worked. I was just up a lot. But I had no energy. I could barely walk to the bathroom on my own. Lots of clinging to the walls for me. Good times. So, here I was, awake all the time and yet unable to do anything. This makes me crazy. If I'm this low energy I should be napping lots and getting better. And if I can't sleep I should be up and around doing a million things. And if neither are happening? Well, you can't even imagine the whining and crying that happens. I would just cry over nothing. Over just being sick and in bed. And this nice boy listened to it all. He even answered the phone and gave my Mom updates and such if she happened to call on the rare occasion I was sleeping. He got assignments and ran errands and did all kinds of things for me when I was sick. And yet that wasn't the worst of me. Ugh.
At one point developed a sore throat. The brilliant health center thought it might be strep. But they weren't sure. They just gave me penicillin and Tylenol with codeine and sent me on my way. One or both of which made me throw up a lot. Or maybe it was just the mono. I don't know. But the nice boy kept track of my medication schedule and held my hair when I threw up and was very sweet and patient. Especially with my cocoa obsession. See, the medicine didn't really help the throat. The only thing that made my throat feel better was hot cocoa. And god forbid I go to the kitchen and make it myself. No, I woke this guy up (this guy who was having to go to classes and work and all because he wasn't sick) in the middle of the night to make my sorry ass some cocoa. And he did it. With a minimum of fuss. After dating me for less than than two months. Oh, and in order to be there for me to wake him in the middle of the night for cocoa making, he had to share a college dorm twin bed with my gross, gross self.
I would also whine because he could go out into the world for class and work and social activity when I could not. Of course lots of his 'outside' time involved turning in assignments for me and fetching things, but I was jealous. And became a crazy paranoid person as a result. One day he went off to work. And I was home. Sick and crazed and paranoid and exhausted and just miserable. And I was waiting and waiting for him to come home. I knew when he got off work and was trying to imagine in my mind the time it would take for him to get back to my room. And he didn't come back in that time. Or even a little while later. Finally I broke down and called his work. They said he left on time. So I just sat in my bed like a crazy person having no idea where he was. This guy I'd been dating for a few weeks and was good enough to take care of me rather than let me suffer in the health center alone. WHERE WAS HE!?!?!? The longer he was gone the crazier I think I got.
He finally walked through the door and was confronted with my gross, sick, delirious self sitting up in bed bellowing, "WHERE WHERE YOU!?!?!" I swear to you I do not know how this man didn't just turn around, shut the door and flee from me forever. Really. Instead he came in and said he'd just gone to the campus center for a cup of coffee and to read the paper. In peace. Away from the crazy sicko at home. Well, he didn't say the last two, but you know it's true. And he totally earned that break as well as a million others that he didn't take. Which I know now. And probably knew at the time. But I wasn't in a good frame of mind. And so I started crying and freaking out. Insisting that he should call me if he's going to do that or some such nonsense.
We stayed together for almost three years after that. Can you imagine?
Oh, and a couple of months later I was visiting him and he got mono. The symptoms consisted of a slight sore throat for three days. And that's it. After all my weeks of pain and agony that was all he got. And I was cranky about it. But I think I was mostly upset that I didn't get to repay the favor and not so much that he 'got off easy', because after weeks of sick me, he did NOT get off easy.
This go round hasn't been SO bad yet, but who knows. Maybe if Mom wasn't getting her nuclear stress test and someone was over at my apartment offering my sympathy and tea I'd be more of a mess. Like when I got really nasty sick around Thanksgiving last year. I think I remember talking (or sobbing hysterically) to my Mom in my delirium and informing her that I would obviously never be healthy again. And I think I believed it.
I can never be married. No one can put up with this shit and stay sane.
Happy Birthday PimpDaddy!!!!!!
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