Ugh. I have a sinus thing. I feel like poo. I'm totally stuffed up. And I have three million things to do for birthday week as well as a birthday party to go to. So annoying. I'm about three hours behind where I want to be. SUCKS.
But, I have drugged myself, packed some kleenex an am off to get the flamingos. And then some birthday gifts. And maybe a comforter. And maybe a swing for the backyard. I think this afternoon will be 'light' cleaning and tomorrow will have to be the heavy duty stuff. Ugh.
All I really want to do is lie on the couch and watch TV while my Mommy brings me 7-up and grilled cheese and tomato soup. Dammit.
Ah well, I'm sucking it up and am off to get the flamingos. Let's keep our fingers crossed that this is a VERY short lived sinus thing. I think it's Poodle's fault. Bad disease bringing houseguest. OR maybe the futon made me ill. It's possible. Hmmmm.
Yeah, I'm delirious. Ugh.
Saturday, June 05, 2004
Friday, June 04, 2004
Grrls Rock
Vader and Muffy are the coolest chicas on the planet and I adore them. They helped me get rid of the body, yo! Oops, did I just break the blood oath? Um... it wasn't a body, really, it was, um, a futon. Yes. A futon.
See, Muffy and Vader came over last night. First Muffy took charge and was all super garden gal and we planted my three azalea bushes. Apparently I have worms and great soil so that rocks. But there are weeds and grubs and that doesn't rock. But the bushes are now planted and I watered them this morning and we're keeping our fingers crossed. If they work out I'm going to trick Muffy into coming over lots to garden with me until I think I can do it on my own. There might be flower beds soon. Maybe an herb garden as I love fresh rosemary, basil and dill. But we'll see. Let's make certain I don't kill the azaleas first. And of course room needs to be left for the hammock and the flamingo.
After that we suited up to get rid of the 'futon'. Yes, the 'futon'. When I moved into this apartment Mom came and helped and was awesome. And then Dad joined us for the unpacking and the settling in. They were amazing. We even got a U-Haul and headed off to Ikea. Where I got a sofa bed that I liked. So the 'futon' became unnecessary. Rather than kicking it to the curb at that time, Mom thought we could put it out back and make it weather proof. Well, before we could figure out how to do that, the first rains came. And then the snow. So, a year and a half of weather turned the 'futon' into a horrible, horrible thing. And with the big backyard party coming up, it had to be gotten rid of. Taken care of. Taken out. Um, to the curb.
I didn't even realize how gross it had gotten. It was waterlogged and had at least two snails and two slugs on it as well as spiders and things. And did I mention that plant life was GROWING out of it? Yeah. Ew.
So, we tossed on some garbage bag dresses and went to work (the photos are EXCELLENT). Muffy was brilliant and came up with the idea of tying rope around the 'futon' mattress to keep it folded and give it handles. And to keep anything, um, inside it from falling out. And so we lugged that puppy through my apartment and out to the curb. Where I almost threw up at the grossness. We got the grossness all over our legs and shoes and ew. Ew. Ew. Then we had to lug out the lighter, but just as hard to maneuver, frame. Which we did. While injuring Vader's hand badly. Then we washed up a little, Bactined and iced Vader's hand and I moped up the slime trail from the futon. Then we discussed possibility of The Thunder From Down Under in Atlantic City before Vader had to flee and take care of Taylor's dog. So Muffy and I had a beer before she took her smelly slime-covered self back home to her honey.
Now I owe them my first born or something. But until then, I just want everyone to know that they are the best women I know. Yay!
The 'futon' was still out there when I left so I'm not certain it's gone from my life, but let's hope the sanitation guys took care of it for me. Otherwise Vader's injury and all my aches and bruises might've been for naught. Class is going to HURT today. Dammit. I'll be lucky if I can do one push up with the way my arms feel right now. I may try and go early to stretch a lot if I can.
See, Muffy and Vader came over last night. First Muffy took charge and was all super garden gal and we planted my three azalea bushes. Apparently I have worms and great soil so that rocks. But there are weeds and grubs and that doesn't rock. But the bushes are now planted and I watered them this morning and we're keeping our fingers crossed. If they work out I'm going to trick Muffy into coming over lots to garden with me until I think I can do it on my own. There might be flower beds soon. Maybe an herb garden as I love fresh rosemary, basil and dill. But we'll see. Let's make certain I don't kill the azaleas first. And of course room needs to be left for the hammock and the flamingo.
After that we suited up to get rid of the 'futon'. Yes, the 'futon'. When I moved into this apartment Mom came and helped and was awesome. And then Dad joined us for the unpacking and the settling in. They were amazing. We even got a U-Haul and headed off to Ikea. Where I got a sofa bed that I liked. So the 'futon' became unnecessary. Rather than kicking it to the curb at that time, Mom thought we could put it out back and make it weather proof. Well, before we could figure out how to do that, the first rains came. And then the snow. So, a year and a half of weather turned the 'futon' into a horrible, horrible thing. And with the big backyard party coming up, it had to be gotten rid of. Taken care of. Taken out. Um, to the curb.
I didn't even realize how gross it had gotten. It was waterlogged and had at least two snails and two slugs on it as well as spiders and things. And did I mention that plant life was GROWING out of it? Yeah. Ew.
So, we tossed on some garbage bag dresses and went to work (the photos are EXCELLENT). Muffy was brilliant and came up with the idea of tying rope around the 'futon' mattress to keep it folded and give it handles. And to keep anything, um, inside it from falling out. And so we lugged that puppy through my apartment and out to the curb. Where I almost threw up at the grossness. We got the grossness all over our legs and shoes and ew. Ew. Ew. Then we had to lug out the lighter, but just as hard to maneuver, frame. Which we did. While injuring Vader's hand badly. Then we washed up a little, Bactined and iced Vader's hand and I moped up the slime trail from the futon. Then we discussed possibility of The Thunder From Down Under in Atlantic City before Vader had to flee and take care of Taylor's dog. So Muffy and I had a beer before she took her smelly slime-covered self back home to her honey.
Now I owe them my first born or something. But until then, I just want everyone to know that they are the best women I know. Yay!
The 'futon' was still out there when I left so I'm not certain it's gone from my life, but let's hope the sanitation guys took care of it for me. Otherwise Vader's injury and all my aches and bruises might've been for naught. Class is going to HURT today. Dammit. I'll be lucky if I can do one push up with the way my arms feel right now. I may try and go early to stretch a lot if I can.
Thursday, June 03, 2004
Vagina Free
Okay, now that that's out of my system.
Yesterday was lovely. I did lots of fun Birthday Week planning things. I made a little note for my neighbors warning them about and inviting them to the big BBQ. Because it's the nice thing to do. I put that up this morning. Hopefully the party won't annoy them beyond reason. Though I still think my upstairs neighbor is not going to enjoy the hammock and flamingo. She seems anti tacky. Ah well. Maybe she'll be amused and the azalea's will placate her or something. Whatever. It's MY yard. Yesterday, I also become a compulsive evite checker. Whoa to the person who has viewed my evite and NOT responded. You will feel my wrath. Or not.
Last night a friend crashed at my place so we decided to go out for Japanese with Muffy and Steph. Steph looked like he wanted to nap the whole time but we all had fun. And they ate more sushi than I could believe. I was just happy with my tempura and my avocado role. And sake and dessert. Yum. Plus we had a lovely discussion involving thong vs. g-string vs. full size, drugs, buying vs. renting, people we dislike, the inappropriateness of my blog, coworkers, Ed's Shirt and all sorts of other good things. I like having interesting friends.
Then some lightbulb changing, cat torturing and a brief discussion on the Thunder from Down Under before bed. June is the best month in the 2004 calendar. And oooh, they updated the webpage. Oh my god. The thunder will be in Atlantic City during BIRTHDAY WEEK!!!! Is it too late to revamp and plan a Birthday Week trip to AC? Hmmmmm.... Oh dear. I may have to spend the rest of the afternoon reviewing the updated webpage. My stripper fake boyfriend is still so hot.
Keep your fingers crossed that it doesn't rain tonight so I can get my ratty old futon to the curb for trash day and plant some bushes. Hot times.
Yesterday was lovely. I did lots of fun Birthday Week planning things. I made a little note for my neighbors warning them about and inviting them to the big BBQ. Because it's the nice thing to do. I put that up this morning. Hopefully the party won't annoy them beyond reason. Though I still think my upstairs neighbor is not going to enjoy the hammock and flamingo. She seems anti tacky. Ah well. Maybe she'll be amused and the azalea's will placate her or something. Whatever. It's MY yard. Yesterday, I also become a compulsive evite checker. Whoa to the person who has viewed my evite and NOT responded. You will feel my wrath. Or not.
Last night a friend crashed at my place so we decided to go out for Japanese with Muffy and Steph. Steph looked like he wanted to nap the whole time but we all had fun. And they ate more sushi than I could believe. I was just happy with my tempura and my avocado role. And sake and dessert. Yum. Plus we had a lovely discussion involving thong vs. g-string vs. full size, drugs, buying vs. renting, people we dislike, the inappropriateness of my blog, coworkers, Ed's Shirt and all sorts of other good things. I like having interesting friends.
Then some lightbulb changing, cat torturing and a brief discussion on the Thunder from Down Under before bed. June is the best month in the 2004 calendar. And oooh, they updated the webpage. Oh my god. The thunder will be in Atlantic City during BIRTHDAY WEEK!!!! Is it too late to revamp and plan a Birthday Week trip to AC? Hmmmmm.... Oh dear. I may have to spend the rest of the afternoon reviewing the updated webpage. My stripper fake boyfriend is still so hot.
Keep your fingers crossed that it doesn't rain tonight so I can get my ratty old futon to the curb for trash day and plant some bushes. Hot times.
The Vagina Entry
Okay, I lied. I'm NOT done writing about my body. Live with it. Lord knows what searches will lead people my way now.
(Sorry Daddy, you may want to look away)
I'm going to tell y'all the tale of how I came to give my vagina the title of Cleanest Vagina in all the Land.
I don't do anything special to my vagina. I have never used a douche or Feminine Deodorant Spray and frankly don't even understand such items. Really. They confuse me. I love my vagina. I don't find it to be stinky or messy or anything that would make me want to use special products on it. I wash it like the rest of my body and it seems to be perfectly happy with that. In fact, all the vaginas I've ever been confronted with have been lovely so I really don't understand why there are so many special 'cleaning' products for the vagina. Are there penis & ball cleaners? I think not. Though if such a thing does exist, PLEASE let me know. That would crack me up. So, I did not do anything special to get this title, I just went to the gynecologist.
I often have odd girly doctor visits. My first one ever, at Wesleyan's Health Center of all places, the doctor asked if I wanted to see my cervix. She already had the mirror in hand so I said what the hell and decided to take a peek. All was well until she said, "See that thing that looks like a tiny pink bagel? That's it." Yeah, I have a tiny pink bagel inside me and you're all jealous. I told my mom that lovely tale and she made some kind of ew noise and announced she was never going to eat a strawberry bagel again. Heh. So, as you can now see, girly doctors say odd things about my girly parts and I often tell my Mom about it. Because she's an awesome Mom in that way.
So, on a lovely winter's day I headed to the girly doctor for my annual poking and prodding and prescription writing. I was living in my second East Village apartment so I was 23. A lovely age.
Everything was going well with the weighing and the fluid taking and the undressing and the breast exam. And then we move on to the vagina check up. First the lovely doctor made a comment about my tattoo, talking about how Koi are good luck and all. Kind of going on about how I carry good luck with me and that the tattoo is low on my abdomen and all. Which was interesting enough. I figured that could be marked down as my fun girly doctor comment for the year. Then she started asking me if I douched or anything like that. I told her I did not and started to worry. Then she told me I had the cleanest vagina she had ever seen. Ha! How awesome is that?
We wrapped up the exam. Everything checked out okay so I dressed and headed back to work. Back then I still had AIM on my work computer and chatted with Mom there all the time. We were chatting and she asked me how the girly doctor visit went. You know, making sure I'm all healthy and stuff. So, I told her the whole clean vagina story. And then I didn't hear from her for a little bit. And I worried for a minute. A clean vagina could not have shocked my Mum after all the other topics we've discussed.
Well, she finally typed back. But she was having a hard time typing as she was laughing so hard. It turns out that she asked how the doctor was and then dashed off to the bathroom. The joy of 'multi-tasking' with Instant Messaging. She heard the little AIM ping (the bathroom is just across the hall from the office in the house) telling her I've sent a message. Dad was nearby so she asked him to read my message to her. Right after that she heard him say, "I'm NOT reading that." She quickly finished up and dashed back to the computer to see what upset my father so much. And then the laughing started. My poor, poor father.
So, the fact of my clean, clean vagina combined with that story really insured that I will be telling this tale to many, many people. For years. At least 7 so far. In fact, over time I've become very, very proud of my clean vagina. And so the title was born.
Now you all know. I have the Cleanest Vagina in all the Land.
(Sorry Daddy, you may want to look away)
I'm going to tell y'all the tale of how I came to give my vagina the title of Cleanest Vagina in all the Land.
I don't do anything special to my vagina. I have never used a douche or Feminine Deodorant Spray and frankly don't even understand such items. Really. They confuse me. I love my vagina. I don't find it to be stinky or messy or anything that would make me want to use special products on it. I wash it like the rest of my body and it seems to be perfectly happy with that. In fact, all the vaginas I've ever been confronted with have been lovely so I really don't understand why there are so many special 'cleaning' products for the vagina. Are there penis & ball cleaners? I think not. Though if such a thing does exist, PLEASE let me know. That would crack me up. So, I did not do anything special to get this title, I just went to the gynecologist.
I often have odd girly doctor visits. My first one ever, at Wesleyan's Health Center of all places, the doctor asked if I wanted to see my cervix. She already had the mirror in hand so I said what the hell and decided to take a peek. All was well until she said, "See that thing that looks like a tiny pink bagel? That's it." Yeah, I have a tiny pink bagel inside me and you're all jealous. I told my mom that lovely tale and she made some kind of ew noise and announced she was never going to eat a strawberry bagel again. Heh. So, as you can now see, girly doctors say odd things about my girly parts and I often tell my Mom about it. Because she's an awesome Mom in that way.
So, on a lovely winter's day I headed to the girly doctor for my annual poking and prodding and prescription writing. I was living in my second East Village apartment so I was 23. A lovely age.
Everything was going well with the weighing and the fluid taking and the undressing and the breast exam. And then we move on to the vagina check up. First the lovely doctor made a comment about my tattoo, talking about how Koi are good luck and all. Kind of going on about how I carry good luck with me and that the tattoo is low on my abdomen and all. Which was interesting enough. I figured that could be marked down as my fun girly doctor comment for the year. Then she started asking me if I douched or anything like that. I told her I did not and started to worry. Then she told me I had the cleanest vagina she had ever seen. Ha! How awesome is that?
We wrapped up the exam. Everything checked out okay so I dressed and headed back to work. Back then I still had AIM on my work computer and chatted with Mom there all the time. We were chatting and she asked me how the girly doctor visit went. You know, making sure I'm all healthy and stuff. So, I told her the whole clean vagina story. And then I didn't hear from her for a little bit. And I worried for a minute. A clean vagina could not have shocked my Mum after all the other topics we've discussed.
Well, she finally typed back. But she was having a hard time typing as she was laughing so hard. It turns out that she asked how the doctor was and then dashed off to the bathroom. The joy of 'multi-tasking' with Instant Messaging. She heard the little AIM ping (the bathroom is just across the hall from the office in the house) telling her I've sent a message. Dad was nearby so she asked him to read my message to her. Right after that she heard him say, "I'm NOT reading that." She quickly finished up and dashed back to the computer to see what upset my father so much. And then the laughing started. My poor, poor father.
So, the fact of my clean, clean vagina combined with that story really insured that I will be telling this tale to many, many people. For years. At least 7 so far. In fact, over time I've become very, very proud of my clean vagina. And so the title was born.
Now you all know. I have the Cleanest Vagina in all the Land.
Wednesday, June 02, 2004
Egomaniacal Dork (and her pants) - you might not enjoy this one, Dad
That's my new title pertaining to my Birthday Week Obsession. It's all about ME, baby.
Today someone told me I had a nice ass. Always fun to hear. Well, usually fun to hear. And he's the third person to tell me my butt looks good in these pants. I am never taking these pants off. I'm living in these pants. I'm spending all of birthday week in these pants. Actually, I have three pairs of these pants, all very similar except one pair is grey. I think I can switch between the same three pairs of pants for the rest of my life, right? Because I got the last two on the sale rack and they ain't makin' these kinda pants anymore. So these have to last forever. Because It's almost always nice hearing I got a nice ass.
I attempted a back kick at the bag for the first time in class yesterday. I'm not good at it but it was fun. And that should help my ass look even better, right? Lots of the kicking.
I think I should go out tonight and flirt with strangers while standing. Since I'm already wearing the pants and all it seems a shame to just waste them at work where I sit all damn day long. And then to just go home and change so I can plant bushes. Happy Hour with my Pants! Maybe I should go to lunch several blocks away so my pants and I can walk and enjoy the sunshine. Excellent idea. Where is Rock Star Fran?
Cooked uterus, my ass, my vagina... This is getting excessive. I think the next entry I'm not going to mention a single body part. I really didn't start out planning to make this all about my ass.
Today someone told me I had a nice ass. Always fun to hear. Well, usually fun to hear. And he's the third person to tell me my butt looks good in these pants. I am never taking these pants off. I'm living in these pants. I'm spending all of birthday week in these pants. Actually, I have three pairs of these pants, all very similar except one pair is grey. I think I can switch between the same three pairs of pants for the rest of my life, right? Because I got the last two on the sale rack and they ain't makin' these kinda pants anymore. So these have to last forever. Because It's almost always nice hearing I got a nice ass.
I attempted a back kick at the bag for the first time in class yesterday. I'm not good at it but it was fun. And that should help my ass look even better, right? Lots of the kicking.
I think I should go out tonight and flirt with strangers while standing. Since I'm already wearing the pants and all it seems a shame to just waste them at work where I sit all damn day long. And then to just go home and change so I can plant bushes. Happy Hour with my Pants! Maybe I should go to lunch several blocks away so my pants and I can walk and enjoy the sunshine. Excellent idea. Where is Rock Star Fran?
Cooked uterus, my ass, my vagina... This is getting excessive. I think the next entry I'm not going to mention a single body part. I really didn't start out planning to make this all about my ass.
Tuesday, June 01, 2004
Help!
What kind of Birthday Cake do I want for the 19th? Do I have a favorite? Is it too much to want to look for a Barbie cake? Where could I get a Barbie cake?
And what have I left off my Birthday Week To Do list?
And what kind of booze should I get? I probably should just get what I want to eat and drink because it is MY birthday, but do I want to have that tacky and tasteless of a party? Yes, yes I do.
And what have I left off my Birthday Week To Do list?
And what kind of booze should I get? I probably should just get what I want to eat and drink because it is MY birthday, but do I want to have that tacky and tasteless of a party? Yes, yes I do.
I'm not feeling well...
So, last night I had annoying cramps. Not the kind that make you want to cry, but ones that'll certainly keep you from sleeping. So I got the Aleve and the heating pad and then, like the dumbass I am, I fell asleep with the heating pad. It was on high too. Dumbass. Luckily I did not catch on fire but I suspect that I have cooked my uterus and now will not be having children. Which will save a lot on birth control (not that I would need it, Daddy) but will depress me beyond reason. Because once I'm willing to become a grown up I really would like a kid of my own. I think I'd be an excellent Mum. Though now, with a cooked uterus, who knows. I woke up early this morning and turned it off and went back to sleep, but still it was a few hours of heat. I have red blotches on my lower abdomen. Such a dumbass.
I was also a little lazy this weekend. My cold from Lovey left me feeling slightly achy and just a touch off kilter Saturday and Sunday so I took that as an excuse to clear TiVo and read tons of TWoP and nap. It was kind of awesome but now I'm behind on photos I wanted to upload and birthday week plans and all that. So I gotta get cracking. Make my Birthday Week To Do list and all that. Charlotte was actually a sweetheart and emailed me to RSVP to each and every event she plans on attending. Adore her.
Muffy actually put all the events on the dry erase calendar she and Steph have on their fridge so that was nice as well. Yay!
Yesterday was a little productive. I went to Lowes for the first time. Impressive store. Sorta. And a little scary. I fell in love with a tacky swing I want for my back porch. It's only $70. But the delivery fee is $78. Which sucks. But Muffy said she and Steph might take me to get it sometime which would be awesome. But we'll see. They also had a Chaise I liked too. But Vader and I did get a few things for our respective bathrooms as well as a flamingo windchime for me to go with my lawn flamingo. And I got three azalea bushes to try in the backyard. I'm going to plant them this week. If they survive and seem to do well and look pretty then I'm going to buy more. Azaleas remind me of my Nana and of living in the South and I love them. But I think I'd mostly like to have the rest of the yard be grass I think. Well, at least a section of it large enough for a hammock. We'll see. Did you know Lowe's doesn't have hammocks? Anyone know of a good place online or in New York were I can get an all weather hammock and stand? By the 11th or at the latest the 19th?
Vader wouldn't let me get the fat stone frog for the lawn. Which is probably for the best. We'll see how the flamingo works out and if I then still want the frog - I'm getting it. We did decide I'm not ready to become the kind of person with a bird feeder or outdoor thermometer in my backyard though. Not yet anyway.
Then off to Muffy & Steph's for more educating Muff in cinema. We watched Logan's Run and Dr. No and realized that apparently the White Man rules. Seventies Sci-Fi is so sexist. As is Bond, of course. But I love Logan's Run and the bikini in Dr. No so... Good times. Real Genius will be next. We just ran out of time last night.
Then off to bed for cramps and A Wrinkle in Time. I wasn't at an age for cramps the first few times I read A Wrinkle in Time. Strange.
I'm such a girl. Sorry. Y'all probably don't want to know so much about my girly parts huh?
I was also a little lazy this weekend. My cold from Lovey left me feeling slightly achy and just a touch off kilter Saturday and Sunday so I took that as an excuse to clear TiVo and read tons of TWoP and nap. It was kind of awesome but now I'm behind on photos I wanted to upload and birthday week plans and all that. So I gotta get cracking. Make my Birthday Week To Do list and all that. Charlotte was actually a sweetheart and emailed me to RSVP to each and every event she plans on attending. Adore her.
Muffy actually put all the events on the dry erase calendar she and Steph have on their fridge so that was nice as well. Yay!
Yesterday was a little productive. I went to Lowes for the first time. Impressive store. Sorta. And a little scary. I fell in love with a tacky swing I want for my back porch. It's only $70. But the delivery fee is $78. Which sucks. But Muffy said she and Steph might take me to get it sometime which would be awesome. But we'll see. They also had a Chaise I liked too. But Vader and I did get a few things for our respective bathrooms as well as a flamingo windchime for me to go with my lawn flamingo. And I got three azalea bushes to try in the backyard. I'm going to plant them this week. If they survive and seem to do well and look pretty then I'm going to buy more. Azaleas remind me of my Nana and of living in the South and I love them. But I think I'd mostly like to have the rest of the yard be grass I think. Well, at least a section of it large enough for a hammock. We'll see. Did you know Lowe's doesn't have hammocks? Anyone know of a good place online or in New York were I can get an all weather hammock and stand? By the 11th or at the latest the 19th?
Vader wouldn't let me get the fat stone frog for the lawn. Which is probably for the best. We'll see how the flamingo works out and if I then still want the frog - I'm getting it. We did decide I'm not ready to become the kind of person with a bird feeder or outdoor thermometer in my backyard though. Not yet anyway.
Then off to Muffy & Steph's for more educating Muff in cinema. We watched Logan's Run and Dr. No and realized that apparently the White Man rules. Seventies Sci-Fi is so sexist. As is Bond, of course. But I love Logan's Run and the bikini in Dr. No so... Good times. Real Genius will be next. We just ran out of time last night.
Then off to bed for cramps and A Wrinkle in Time. I wasn't at an age for cramps the first few times I read A Wrinkle in Time. Strange.
I'm such a girl. Sorry. Y'all probably don't want to know so much about my girly parts huh?
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