YMCA

Oh, since I'm going to the Y all the time in the near future I figure I need to beef up my working out playlist. So, any of y'all have good workout song suggestions? Let me know!

Day Three

Well, Day Three was the one where I woke up feeling scared. I know this is a great opportunity for me and all that, but I woke up this morning feeling like I was a total failure and would never find work again. And I felt terrified about being in the job market again for the first time in almost a decade. Not a fun feeling.

But I woke up and putzed around and decided to hit the Y. I figure if I have some down time I'm going to learn when the best times are to go, the best classes for me to take and thus have one hell of an ass by the time I'm back to work. They have an insane amount of pilates classes and some goofy looking fun things with the words urban, abs, belly dancing, rebounding, sculpt, kardio and such for me to try. Plus, I think next week I need to stop being a pussy about weights. So, that was something. Felt good to be doing something productive.

Then I got home, showered, chatted with Maggie & Turnip and got myself ready to head back to the office. I was meeting Muppet for lunch. When we made the plans on Wednesday it seemed like a good idea. But as I was standing on the train platform waiting for my lovely F train and following the same exact commute that was no longer mine (knowing exactly what car to be in for my 48th street exit, knowing how long it will take, etc) I thought that I must be the stupidest person who ever lived because how could I be ready to be back there. And it was hard. Riding the train. Making the walk from the train to the building and then standing there outside the building. But I called Muppet and she came out. And Lovey came out. And it started to not feel so bad. And a couple coworkers walked by to say hi and I got a hug. I also learned management was claiming that everyone who got laid off on Wednesday had interviews lined up with other departments in the firm but I certainly do not. It's annoying they didn't line up interviews for me as they apparently did with others, but I also know I don't want this same kind of job so it's not the end of the world, but still. Maybe I'll call and shoot them my resume just in case.

Anyway, Lovey went back upstairs and Muppet and I had a nice lunch. I still obsess about this layoff and apologies to anyone seeing me for the next week or two because you'll hear about it lots. But Muppet and I were able to talk about other things too. And that was nice for me and it made me happy to know I could talk about other things.

After lunch Muppet went up and Lovey came down for coffee. I think they're all going to be just fine without me, unfortunately. So that was annoying to hear. Though I am actually happy about that for Lovey & Sheena's sakes. Because while I want things to suck without me I know that they'll be the ones to get the brunt of it and I don't actually want that. But it was good to see her. She and Sheena and the majority of my bosses were all at meetings or out when it happened and I hadn't gotten to see and say goodbye to anyone but Muppet and Monkey Man. So it was good to get a little closure. And to see her. And catch up a little with her and know that while I will no longer see her every day and know all the little details of her life we still have good reason to be friends and make time to be together.

And after she went up Sheena came down to say hi & bye. And I got my first ever hug from her. Which is sort of an in joke with us. But yeah, nice to have more closure. And she had a couple more stories about people who missed me. Our supply guy has been mopey and the mail guy (a story for later I think because I have such a crush) too. And the main editor we work with apparently was shocked and said that was so odd because I'm a model employee or something like that. I told her to keep those stories coming because they help.

I headed back home feeling really good. I'm glad I went because now I know I can. And when I head back to sign my papers and drop off the last of the company stuff I have in a couple of weeks, I know it won't freak me out beyond reason. So that was nice.

Then I got to have an amazing afternoon chat with Tangerine and vent a little and catch up with her. She said she'd try to be online more in the afternoons so another plus will be catching up with her. So, I might miss more daily details of Lovey's life but then get more of Tangerine's It all balances out somehow.

After all that I decided I wanted to sit on my butt watching TV and all which I haven't really done yet. And Muffy decided to join me. So we talked about her crap day and my crap week and had pizza and watched a couple episodes of Firefly wondering when in the series Nathan Fillion's pants get properly tight and having a really nice Friday night.

Day Two Part Two

So, Vader said I had to have margaritas. So I just had margaritas. And after a couple of margaritas and a little dinner Vader told the waitress I had been laid off. And the waitress brought us shots, because you need margaritas AND shots when you've been laid off. Who knew? Well, Fishboy did. He said getting drunk is something one must do after being laid off. He is wise. And now I am drunk blogging. MARGARITAS!!!!!

Again all of my friends Rock. Steph bought me lunch at the Chip Shop (deep fat fried peanut butter cups are mana from Heaven) and then because it was a gorgeous day we wandered along the Brooklyn promenade for a while. At one point Tangerine left me a delightful voicemail telling me the man sucks I am fabulous and if I need to come to DC or have her come up here to just let her know. My friends are so cool.

And then Vader came over for some watching of last night's Veronica Mars and then... well... MARGARITAS!!!! Also, apparently she told her whole office about my plight and they are just disgusted and cannot believe that they would lay me off. Hee. Good times.

And I think Lovey is still on jury duty so keep your fingers crossed that the Friday report is a disaster tomorrow. Though Sheena is very clever so she'll probably do it just fine and then they'll feel all justified about laying me off. Bastards. Maybe I need more Margaritas. I think I have tequila somewhere in this apartment...

Day Two

Well, it totally feels odd to have not gotten up early this morning to get dressed and follow the commute I've followed for years. It does NOT feel like a sick day. It feels like an unemployed day. So odd. Everyone is at work right now going about their business without me. And because I am small and petty I hope it's not an easy day for them. Heh.

I had dinner with Muppet and Bambi last night which was great. Nice to be able to piss and moan about it a lot but also nice to have folks around to talk about other stuff too. They were wonderful at being a good balance of that. Plus, we were at chat 'n chew so I got a belly full of grease. Who does NOT love onion ribbons? Really. So good. Also, it seems that I might be winning the prize for most shock inducing layoff. Even more than one whole team that was eliminated. Apparently everyone was shocked and surprised and at one point there was even a conversation about how much money the firm will lose for the first six months in lost productivity. How awesome is that? It still sucks to be laid off and have the world go on without you, but it's nice to know I'll be missed. It's nice to know that all the hard work and ideas I brought to that job didn't go unnoticed. My boss even called and said something about how my contributions to him and to the group weren't always appreciated but he really did appreciate everything I did to help him and the team. So, that, and my severance package, are helping to soften all this considerably.

Plus, everyone I know is so awesome. I'm getting lots of advice, offers from people to use their contacts, offers to hang or talk or anything like that. Steph and I might do lunch today. Monkey Man and I are hanging this weekend. Muffy and I are supposed to hang this weekend and she offered even more weekend time even though she's a crazed med student in the middle of rotations. Vader and I have plans for tonight. Mom is calling, family is sending concerned emails, Fishboy emailed me, Pumpkin left a voicemail, Turnip and Maggie are doing lots of Instant Message chatting and support, Lovey & Sheen are calling to fill me in about work and how upset they are about me leaving because they like me AND because all the work they'll now have to do. Lots of stuff like that. It's great to have such a nice support network at times like this.

Now I'm debating TV and cheetos or going to the gym. Hmmmm...

Canned by The Man

Today I got laid off. And, it kinda sucks in a way. I know it's not something I can take personally like a firing, but it still feels like rejection. Plus, I haven't been unemployed in forever. I have to find a job now. I don't have any kind of security. Financially I am not prepared for this with too little savings and too much debt (much like almost everyone else in the world). And my routine and a HUGE part of my life totally changed today. Even though no one else's did. So it's weird. And I kinda want to cry. But I haven't yet. I'm sure I will. But not yet.

But, this is also probably the best case scenario for me. I hated my job. I hated it for years and years. I just never got my shit together enough to go out and find another job. They gave me a small severance package, so I have a little cushion before I'm out on the street. I can take some time to really look for something I might enjoy. And that's such a good thing for me. This is a kick in the pants I need. And I just need to really take advantage of it. It also helps that I have awesome people. Mom has really been there for me. And so many people came and hung out with me between being escorted out of the building (gotta love The Man) and my appointment with my reading buddy. And lots of folks have already called to offer any help they can and to see if I'm okay. Muppet's got a spare room if it comes to that (and she knows the cats and I are a package deal). It's going to be okay. I just have to get over the initial shock and the dread of how much of a pain in the ass it's going to be to find a job. And I think I can do that.

But if y'all know of any jobs out there that I'd be great for, let me know!!!!