Day Three

Well, Day Three was the one where I woke up feeling scared. I know this is a great opportunity for me and all that, but I woke up this morning feeling like I was a total failure and would never find work again. And I felt terrified about being in the job market again for the first time in almost a decade. Not a fun feeling.

But I woke up and putzed around and decided to hit the Y. I figure if I have some down time I'm going to learn when the best times are to go, the best classes for me to take and thus have one hell of an ass by the time I'm back to work. They have an insane amount of pilates classes and some goofy looking fun things with the words urban, abs, belly dancing, rebounding, sculpt, kardio and such for me to try. Plus, I think next week I need to stop being a pussy about weights. So, that was something. Felt good to be doing something productive.

Then I got home, showered, chatted with Maggie & Turnip and got myself ready to head back to the office. I was meeting Muppet for lunch. When we made the plans on Wednesday it seemed like a good idea. But as I was standing on the train platform waiting for my lovely F train and following the same exact commute that was no longer mine (knowing exactly what car to be in for my 48th street exit, knowing how long it will take, etc) I thought that I must be the stupidest person who ever lived because how could I be ready to be back there. And it was hard. Riding the train. Making the walk from the train to the building and then standing there outside the building. But I called Muppet and she came out. And Lovey came out. And it started to not feel so bad. And a couple coworkers walked by to say hi and I got a hug. I also learned management was claiming that everyone who got laid off on Wednesday had interviews lined up with other departments in the firm but I certainly do not. It's annoying they didn't line up interviews for me as they apparently did with others, but I also know I don't want this same kind of job so it's not the end of the world, but still. Maybe I'll call and shoot them my resume just in case.

Anyway, Lovey went back upstairs and Muppet and I had a nice lunch. I still obsess about this layoff and apologies to anyone seeing me for the next week or two because you'll hear about it lots. But Muppet and I were able to talk about other things too. And that was nice for me and it made me happy to know I could talk about other things.

After lunch Muppet went up and Lovey came down for coffee. I think they're all going to be just fine without me, unfortunately. So that was annoying to hear. Though I am actually happy about that for Lovey & Sheena's sakes. Because while I want things to suck without me I know that they'll be the ones to get the brunt of it and I don't actually want that. But it was good to see her. She and Sheena and the majority of my bosses were all at meetings or out when it happened and I hadn't gotten to see and say goodbye to anyone but Muppet and Monkey Man. So it was good to get a little closure. And to see her. And catch up a little with her and know that while I will no longer see her every day and know all the little details of her life we still have good reason to be friends and make time to be together.

And after she went up Sheena came down to say hi & bye. And I got my first ever hug from her. Which is sort of an in joke with us. But yeah, nice to have more closure. And she had a couple more stories about people who missed me. Our supply guy has been mopey and the mail guy (a story for later I think because I have such a crush) too. And the main editor we work with apparently was shocked and said that was so odd because I'm a model employee or something like that. I told her to keep those stories coming because they help.

I headed back home feeling really good. I'm glad I went because now I know I can. And when I head back to sign my papers and drop off the last of the company stuff I have in a couple of weeks, I know it won't freak me out beyond reason. So that was nice.

Then I got to have an amazing afternoon chat with Tangerine and vent a little and catch up with her. She said she'd try to be online more in the afternoons so another plus will be catching up with her. So, I might miss more daily details of Lovey's life but then get more of Tangerine's It all balances out somehow.

After all that I decided I wanted to sit on my butt watching TV and all which I haven't really done yet. And Muffy decided to join me. So we talked about her crap day and my crap week and had pizza and watched a couple episodes of Firefly wondering when in the series Nathan Fillion's pants get properly tight and having a really nice Friday night.