Shopping

I shopped a good portion of the day away on Friday. I shopped even more on Saturday. Then, on Sunday, I shopped a little more. I took Monday & Tuesday off from shopping and then was at it again last night.

My all-girl puppet band (Lovey, Muppet & Bambi) and I went to one of those cheesy Shecky's parties. Muppet thought it would be fun and I adore a goodie bag so we all got tickets for last night. Muppet was very excited, but Lovey and I worried when Lovey, Muppet and I arrived around 6 to a long LINE. Just to get in the damn door. And then we saw what we think was a bus from Jersey pull in to dump a ton of women out. Lovey started dreading the crowds and I started wondering how many folks I'd have to physically knock to the ground before they threw me out. It was a dark mood.

And some of the event wasn't so great. The organization was kind of all over the place. And it was PACKED. They also promised dessert fondue and snacks. I NEVER saw dessert fondue and I'm pissed about it. One nice woman who sold Bambi a sexy top claimed it was there earlier, but I'm not sure I believe her. And the snacks? Hmmmm... I had a cookie and about 10 M&Ms. That does not count as good cocktail party snack food. Dammit. And the crowds. Damn. TONS of people and about 75% of them were the stupid type who think stopping in the middle of a walkway is fine. Stopping to look at the vendor tables I understand. Hanging out in the lounge areas is fine. Stopping just mere footsteps away from the lounge areas to gossip while people are trying to pass you? Not so good.

But, it was still fun. Hanging with the girls was good. The goodie bag was excellent and came with a metric buttload of crap like body wash and bath salts and trashy novels and sampler CDs and tons of tiny free samples and coupons and a map and other such nonsense. Going through it at home, I thought it was the neverending clown car of goodie bags. There were also free drinks. Amstel Light isn't my beer of choice but the pineapple juice & vodka of some sort drinks were lovely. Bambi got a totally hot top that would even be work appropriate under a jacket. Lovey got a ton of stuff and I was peer pressured into an excellent (and very me) ring as well as a couple of watches. And Muppet got something for her niece, as well as something I will not be discussing here. And there was lots of mocking of folks, getting TWO Chanel gift bags after chatting with the rep for a bit (and I think I now have an appointment for a makeover sometime in December), spritzing with cucumber & green tea something or other, using the word cute a million times, the bliss in discovering the cookie tray, and just doing the friends hanging out thing. I don't know if I'd go to every single one of these, but I might be talked into going again some day.

And then today Muppet, Dr. Muffy and I went to the back room with the awesome purses and I got a fabulous brown "prada" bag. I may have to go again. There was a red & black "gucci" that I covet. Hmmmm... Maybe AFTER Christmas. Or maybe I can do some shopping there... Anyone on my Christmas list who adores a fab fake bag?

Sadly, Dr. Muffy is making us celebrate her 30th tomorrow, so I just don't know when I'll find the time to shop.

Speaking of... Dr. Muffy joined me at the office for lunch today. She's got some time between doctoring degrees and figured she'd check out corporate life. I had a fabulous time, but I fear I bored her silly and introduced her to way too many people. I always feel like such a dork taking people on tours. I find they're rarely fascinated by the same inane stuff that intrigues me. So then I just try and show them everything and eventually we end up with, "and this is the freight elevator doors and this is the supply cabinet..." We did learn that Dr. Muffy has a cooler supply cabinet. I have file folders and paper clips. She has ethanol and nitrous. She wins. She did get to meet the mail guy that Lovey & I find to be adorable but we were not able to spot the hot married man that I try hard not to lust after. And she met one of my crazy bosses. The craziest one. As well as tons of other folks. Good times. I love hanging out with people in the office rather than doing work. You should all come visit.

Too busy to blog

After posting yesterday I realized it had been a little over a month since my last post and well over a month since my last valid post. I kept meaning to write about the things I was doing and had all kinds of funny stories (that I may still write), but I just never got around to it. Because I am lazy. But, things aren't going to get any less busy so I'm just going to have to buckle down. Toe the line. Blah blah something. I don't know. Whatever. I just wanted to list all the awesome things I've been doing over the past month so you all become insanely jealous of me and wish you had my rock star life. And I thought I needed an intro paragraph for that. I really don't though.

I:

• Went to the Central Park Zoo to see MONKEYS and sea lions and penguins (Muppets favorite) and polar bears.
• Saw the Penguin movie (with Muppet, of course).
• Finally checked out the museum of sex which houses loads of imagines of nekkid men and allowed me the opportunity to watch hours of porn (old and new) with Muppet and Bambi.
• Watched Muffy become Dr. Muffy. She did it brilliantly and beautifully (as is her nature) and I was and still am insanely proud of her.
• Shopped Boston.
• Ate at the Salty Dog.
• Pigged out at Chat 'n Chew.
• Purchased a Big Box o' Chocolate.
• Walked for miles and miles.
• Attended a fabulous art opening.
• Attempted Weak Ass Canadian Bowling (and failed at it spectacularly).
• Sampled the tasty bean & rice hospitality of Vader.
• Reunited with my fabulous reading buddy, the feisty and witty Troublemaker.
• Drank beer and ate pizza with IT boys.
• Took the ethical slut quiz jointly with Dr. Muffy. After taking it again without Dr. Muffy I find we are less ethical but also still a wee bit less slutty together than apart. But either way we're very slutty, ethical women. Bow before us.
• Learned about vegan porn with Dr. Muffy & Steph. Heh. Google that, bitches.
• Went to see Serenity with Lovey where I was sad to see Mal with pants that are slightly less tight than they were in Firefly but the topless mostly made up for that. And then. I got to see... CRAZY LADY PANTIES!!!!!!!
• Celebrated my PimpDaddy's aging process and ruined the ending of the latest Amazing Race for his brother because I am, unintentionally, the world's biggest asshole.
• Ate vegetarian at Meat Heaven.
• Battled a stomach bug of epic proportions. And walked it off. Doctors schmoctors.
• Shopped Boston.
• Cursed the rain.
• Vacuumed my comforter.
• Cheered and photographed Maggie as she ran her first big girl race. I am in awe. Running five yards pisses me off. Five miles? Rock on, little Maggie. Rock on.
• Stayed up most of the night with a drunk friend who needed to vent and then went off to view the horrible Cry Wolf and then the even more horrible Venom (only paid for one!). And would not have done that with anyone but my adorable Buzz.
• Went to a rugby game that included cheers such as "cover your ears" (after we learned it's not unheard of for them to be ripped off), naked rugby boys, "gatorade, corona, coconut mojitos" and fireworks.
• Rocked out with Rock Star Fran and others. Well, drank beers and ate Indian food, but that's totally just like rocking out.
• Suffered through a work party that offered psychics and an open bar (thank you, jeebus!).
• Worked way more than I'd like.
• Saw Wallace & Gromit (with a couple OTHER THAN Dr. Muffy & Steph).
• Lunched with Charlotte and her O Magazine self.
• Enjoyed the new Fall season. I'm talking the TV season. I hate the start of cold weather and am refusing to wear my winter coat until it's November.
• And some other stuff that I'm sure was awesome but that I'm just forgetting.

In the future I will:

• Attend Homecoming.
• Welcome Dr. Muffy to her 30's. Heh.
• Have Sunday dinner with my lovely & jet lagged folks.
• Scrub my bathroom.
• Cheer and photograph Dr. Muffy as she does her first big girl race.
• Avoid the flu.
• Attend the Phi's national convention in providence. Which should only involve about 20 or so hours of board meetings - yes, you do want my rock star life.
• Go to Shecky's night out to drink Amstel Light, eat dessert fondue, score a goodie bag and mock the women of New York mercilessly with Bambi, Lovey and Muppet. Bambi, Lovey and Muppet? Hell.
• Introduce Dr. Muffy to the International Bar in my company's cafeteria. I think it's only Italian Nation day on the day she's coming. Which is sad. Monday was Comfort Food Nation day. But Thursdays are usually Tapas Bar days so that'll be nice for her. Then she can tour my two by two inch cubicle and see the IT room where boys will mock and throw balls at us. Call me if you'd like to schedule a hot lunch date like this with me.
• Christmas shop until I drop. In Boston. And New York. And Honolulu.
• Spend Thanksgiving with Turnip. Hopefully?
• Attempt the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. Again. Maybe this will be the year I actually go.
• Finally make plans with the guy I've been playing phone tag with for the past few months. (You matchmaking freaks stop that thought right now it is NOT like that!)
• Survive November Sweeps.
• Attend a Halloween party. Maybe even in costume (a costume I will pull together in about 30 seconds, much like I did with previous costumes such as Cher Impersonator and The Country Music Awards).
• Throw a work Halloween Party to celebrate what is sure to be a shitty performance evaluation and the announcement of no raise or promotion ever.
• Have tea with the nicest Opera Divas I know.
• Visit my doctor to see if the 15 pounds I've lost have helped anything.
• Begin my Christmas insanity.
• Help organize the huge work birthday party Sheena will demand.
• Celebrate Maggie's birthday with brunch and festivities and such.
• Take a nap?

Small town Indiana

So, yesterday I went in for my annual vaginal poking. Good times. Apparently my pelvic exam is fine and now I just wait to hear how my cervix is and if I have the HIV, the syphilis, the Heps (B&C), the gonorrhea, the chlamydia and the something else. I have forgotten what the something else is. It wasn't the HPV because they're only testing for that if the swabbing shows abnormality. Hmmmmm... Yes well, I guess it's only important if I have it and I'm sure they'll give me the name of it when they tell me I have it. Or don't have it. Whatever. More girlie info than you ever wanted, huh boys? It's good to know about the wiminfolks sometimes though. Really. I'll let you tell me all about your last boy poking if you want.

Anyway, I had the day off so between poking and a lovely dinner with Vader I had some time to kill. A weekend in Boston left me a little tired of shopping and running errands so I figured I'd go see Elizabethtown. It looked like crap. I heard it was crap. No one was ever going to see it with me. So, why not a matinee.

Now, you might be thinking why go at all, right? Well... my Daddy is from a small town not too far outside of Louisville. So, from the moment I heard Kirsten Dunst lecturing Orlando Bloom on the pronunciation of Louisville I sorta knew I had to go see it.* I actually watched all of Varsity Blues because Daddy liked it and said it kinda reminded him of high school and playing on Salem's football team and all. Yes, I have mad love for my Dad and a serious sentimental streak. Whatever. We can't all be cold-hearted bad asses all the time, can we?

Anyway, the movie is crap. Really. It had the potential for a good time, but it wasn't a good time. And yet, on more than one occasion I actually found myself crying a little in the theater. Because I am an idiot. And because I am a sentimental fool.

It's not like I watched it thinking, Oh MY GOD THAT'S JUST LIKE SALEM. 'Cause it's not. At all. But there was enough of it in there that reminded me of my Dad's family. And my mom's family. Little goofy not quite right things that about small town life that reminded me of the true things about small town life. And with the story's funeral and memorial planning, it brought up a lot of memories from my Papaw's funeral. Which was my first funeral. And my last. And one of the most horrible things I've ever attended. Not that it wasn't well done or that it didn't honor my Papaw's memory. It did. But because it honored his memory and not his living, breathing self sitting next to me, it was agony.

So I thought a lot about that. And about my family. And about all the ridiculous things that make my family what it is. And how much I love all those ridiculous things. Even the ones I hate. I wish I could be with my family more. I wish I lived closer to all of my family. Not just my parents, but the whole freakin' clan. All the freakin' clans. But that's not possible. And really, I don't think I could give up my life in New York. And if we're being honest, we'd all probably kill each other if we lived close together. Though the survivors would totally feel guilty about it after a few years. But I don't see any of them as much as I'd like to. Which is sad. But I see enough of them to love them, and to want to see more. Enough to feel like the time I do spend with them isn't enough.

When I was watching that movie a ton of memories came flooding back. Just little things. Mostly ones involving sitting around, saying silly things, getting into little fights and cooking or eating obscene amounts of food. Just the hanging out and being a family sorts of memories. Some of which I can't ever recreate because four out of the six grandparents I knew are dead. And we're all older and more scattered. But I have them. And the weddings and the babies and those of us still around create the potential for more memories. Which is good.

And I haven't even gotten to get into all the road trip memories the last little bit of the movie brought up. But I won't. Not right now, as this entry would never end.


*One Thanksgiving some family from Salem actually quizzed me on the pronunciation to make certain I wasn't too New Yorkified. I passed.