ACK!

My work email is down. I feel completely lost. Unable to do anything. I really, really need a vacation.

Luckily, I have a mantra.

"I have tickets to HAWAI'I"

Fat Girl - might be boring for everyone

So, the weekend before last (I think, it's all a blur), someone was telling me a story and described the woman in the story as being a fat chick. The tone of voice implied that this was a HUGE fat woman. The size of the woman was somewhat relevant to the story and I wasn't offended by it or anything. But then the person went on to describe how fat she was. "She was about this tall (gesturing) and was like [insert Amanda's exact weight here]." Huh.

Just the way he talked about her, I got the impression he sorta thought of her as much bigger than me. I didn't get the feeling that he was saying "she's as fat as you are" or anything. But, it got me thinking. So much that I don't really remember much about the story.

Stuff like that happens a lot. On two levels:

One, people talk to me about fat people in such a way that I get the impression that they think I'm not fat. Which is absurd. I totally understand that people don't think of me as a fat person first or that it's the most important thing about me to them, but come on. I'm huge. Medically considered obese. It's not like it's subtle or something. Now, I don't want everyone going around acknowledging my fat ass all the time, but I wonder about people talking about other fat people in front of me in a certain way. I don't know how I feel about it.

Two, people just have no concept of what I weigh. I think part of it is that I'm very curvy. Always have been, always will be. So, proportionally I have a tiny waist. And huge knockers. I'm not just a round fat person. And I think that throws them off in the weight guessing game. But it also makes me feel worse about my weight. Sure, it's nice that they don't seem to think I'm as fat as I am. But it also just hits home how big I am and how far I have to go and it makes me tired. And to want to sit down. With a pizza.

Just things I think about. I'm not really ready to ask friends to change their behaviors or perceptions of me, but it's something that I toss around.

And, while I'm spewing fat girl thoughts...

So, I'm dieting. For my heart. And my mother's sanity. And my desire to have more shopping options open to me. And it's going well. It's going slowly. And I keep telling myself that's good for me in the long run even though it's fucking annoying in the short term. But it's going well. The weight is going down. I'm down about 21 pounds now. Which is awesome. But...

Focusing on my weight and my eating habits and my exercise habits has made me a crazy person. I think about food & exercise all the time. I talk about it all the time. If you let me get started, woe unto you. I might never shut up. I'm sure I'm annoying the crap out of folks and I try to rein myself in, but it still seems pretty excessive.

But the worst is how fucked up my body image is now. I actually felt sexier 20 pounds ago. Right now pants that were tight a few months ago can slide off my ass without being unbuttoned. And yet, I feel huge and fat and gross and unattractive. And in the rational part of my brain I know how stupid that is. I can see with these pants how much weight I have lost. And it's awesome and excellent and not nearly enough. But I still feel like I'm a house. More so than I did before. I'm not sure how to shake that. I think it'll come with time so I'm not in a panic over it. And I'm not veering off into crazed anorexia. It's just really annoying. I liked it a lot better when I thought I was pretty. Shallow and silly as that may be, I'm happier when I feel pretty.

Frat Girl - might be boring for non Alpha Delts

Just to let everyone know just how tired I am these days...

This morning I'm on the train, sitting down & zoning with my iPod, not really even feeling up to reading. And then I see a woman by the door trying to get my attention. She keeps gesturing to my shirt. After finally realizing she is talking to me I start looking down at my shirt. It doesn't seem to have a giant rip in it. It's not up around my armpits. It's not a button down or anything so it's not all unbuttoned and gaping. I'm wondering if she has a problem with my breasts or the color pink or something. But then she makes her way over to me to lean down and share with me that my shirt is on inside out AND backwards. I had no clue. I probably would not have had any clue for hours. Until Sheena stood in front of my desk to chat at me and noticed and then laughed at me. Ugh. I cannot tell you all how happy I am to be in town for the next two weekends. And then off to Boston for the annual shopping. And CT for inappropriate things (still tentative) and then Hawai'i for beach time!

This weekend was good. But strange. I was the alumni delegate to my fraternity/society's national convention. Which is both as nerdy as it sounds and yet not as nerdy as it sounds. There were lots of meetings and singing and goofiness (including a pirate a capella group I haven't the words to describe), but it was also fun with a lot of interesting people and ideas and conversations and such. And somehow, I sorta agreed to join another alumni group and signed up to do a few things. Nothing on the level of what I'm doing for the local alumni group of the Phi, but it's certainly more ammunition for my friends and family when the intervention comes.

It was a bit odd. A lot of the folks there have been involved in the Society's management since the beginning back in 1992. So there was a lot of shared history and work. Of which I had not been a part. So I felt like I was missing out on a lot of insider information. But it's still an organization of which I am a part. An organization that considers itself a family more than anything else. So I felt like a bit of an outsider and yet still part of the family. A family that embraces you as one of it's own pretty much the moment you walk in and are all "Hi, I'm [Name], [chapter], '[year]." Yeah, I know. Totally smurfy (old word, I know, but SO applicable here). But still good. And, as I learned more about things I wanted to talk about how to do things and improve upon things and all of that. As is my habit. Which gets me into trouble and causes me to not have time to sleep or clean my apartment or whatever. I did try to hold back though. And hopefully I can follow through on the things I actually agreed to do, but we'll see.

Mom and Lovey will probably hold the intervention soon and lock me up and then this will all be moot anyway. Unless of course the Phi wins in the epic battle for my soul. Hmmmmm...

This and That

Dennis Rodman is very sparkly. I was exiting the subway this morning and thought to myself, "Who is that Sparkly Man being interviewed by Fox?" Dennis Rodman. Sparkly! Must be why they decided to do an outdoor interview with him in November. The indoors cannot hold his sparkle.

So, I have no voice. And I have no idea who to blame. I mean, I should probably blame myself for not sleeping and running myself ragged and opening myself up to any and all manner of nasty bugs. But... where is the fun in that. Sheena and Lovey think I should talk less and suck on cough drops more. I think they're just tired of hearing me run my mouth. So I'm going to talk more to torture them. I just hate it. Muppet says some folks find the 40-year chain smoker voice sexy, but I hate it. The tone is all weird, people can't understand me and I mainly feel like I'm just squawking at everyone. SQUAWK!!!!

And of course being sick still hasn't kept me quiet and still and home. This weekend was fun, but exhausting. Heading back to the Phi is always a little weird for me these days. I was an undergrad there and was very involved. I knew everyone and lived in the house and it was very much my space. And while I'm now still very involved and am on the alumni Board of Trustees and come back 4-6 times a year, I just don't have the same sense of My Space. I don't know everyone, they don't all know me. I don't live there (wouldn't want to live there either as I'm 31 and it's a frat house), I don't know the ins and outs anymore... But it's still the house that was a huge part of my life for three years. So I come back and I feel like it should be My Space. And it isn't. And it still throws me. Not in a bad way. Just in a "huh?" kinda way.

But it was a good time. I got to see lots of friends and meet new people. The board meetings were long and boring, but stuff was accomplished so they didn't make me cry or anything. People humored me. And mocked me. And there was a lot of talking and laughing and singing. Pumpkin's cutest dog in the world gave me lots of good lovin'. And while Mrs. Skipper was not around to girlie it up with Dr. Muffy, Pumpkin and I added two others to our circle of sparkliness with Cricket and Dancing Girl joining us in the ladies lounge for changing, glitter application, giggling, "you're so pretty"ing and clothes sharing. Good times. Maggie was off flirting with hot undergrads but got glittered later and will be dragged into shopping & changing girlie nonsense next time, I have no doubt. And hopefully Mrs. Skipper will be back in the fold then as well as she was sorely missed. I also got some good time sitting on the stairs late at night giggling with Dancing Fool and SpyGuy while watching gee_tar in all his drunken glory. And some time sitting on the new porch. I don't know. It's all kind of a blur. But I do remember that I had fun and that I didn't get nearly enough sleep. But such is the way of the Phi.

Oh Glorious Day

Some of the Ed's Shirt photos have been uploaded and I got a big thumbs up from my doctor today. And I have no time to revel in it because I have so much on my to do list. So y'all enjoy Ed's Shirt and I'll go weep softly in a corner. With my lunch.

Go buy Bernankular shirts before Muppet goes insane and cuts me.

Rock Star Living is Too Exhausting for ME

A coworker just canceled on a piss & moan dinner with Lovey and I tonight and I am so excited. I'm doing a happy dance right now at the though of going home, cleaning the cat box, putting on my comfy pants, heating up some soup and putting on hot water for tea. So I can snuggle down on my sofa with the kitties and the TiVo. Though I really do want to update Ed's Shirt (if you have photos of the shirt - send them to ME!!!) between now and the weekend and have to work on a couple other things so. Eh, screw it. TiVo, kitties & sofa for me.

I have been having a fabulous time though.

On Thursday Lovey and I headed up to Alice's Tea Cup for dinner. And tea. Iolanthe was going to join us but get held up by her boss and some labor strike. Poor thing. We missed her but still had a great time. The tea was divine and we ate way too much. I had tea with a vanilla caramel thing going on and Lovey went for the Christmas blend. We both ordered the fancy-pants grilled cheese. I wasn't sure if I would love it as I feared the raisins and fennel, but it was so tasty. I really got the full effect of the fennel on the first bite but then it was all good. We hadn't planned to eat as much as we did, but then we heard they had pumpkin scones. And we thought we'd share one of those while drinking tea and waiting for grilled fabulousness. And there was some excellent crème brulee I had to get. As I'm not one to ever turn down a chance at crème brulee. I am my mother's daughter. I hadn't realized how stuffed I was until I got onto the train and thought I might just explode. And, on top of the good food & drink, Lovey and I had excellent conversation about families and childhoods and a smidge of religion and boys. Good times. I love that we have so much in common even though in some ways we're so very different. Makes for good talking.

Friday was Halloween at the office. Lovey and I wore tiaras as a few folks in the office have nicknamed us the Princesses. We thought it appropriate. And then we went to a horrible party the department was throwing. These things are always so odd. Nerdy finance folks don't have much in the way of social skills so they don't understand small talk. So, work parties are pretty much the same thing as working. Except you're standing up. With food. And beer. And, in this case, a few folks wandering around in strange costumes. So we fled. Lovely, her sister, Muppet, Mr. Muppet and I were all supposed to hit the Chip Shop for dinner before Dr. Muffy's 30th birthday party (she's very old - "one of us" "one of us") but... it was not to be. Lovey's sister really wanted no part in anyone's birthday or Brooklyn or anything. And technology decided to bite Muppet in the ass. It affected my Friday report slightly so I stuck around the office for a while, but not nearly as long as poor Muppet.

I showed up a little grumpy at Floyd for Dr. Muffy's party but tried to shake that off. Dr. Muffy was turning 30, after all. And with Steph running to the Chip Shop for take out and Charlotte showing up as a pregnant prom queen (looking GORGEOUS) all was soon right with the world. And Dr. Muffy looked very foxy on her 30th. Which is really how you want to do that. It was a fun night. Dr. Muffy seemed to have a good time. Big D was working his Ron Burgandy schtick hard. And I got to talk to some fun folks. As well as eat fried food and drink vodka. What more could a girl ask for? Possibly a bed time earlier than 3:30AM, but I can't resist a drunk and adorable Dr. Muffy. Nor the opportunity to take ridiculous photos in a bar late at night.

Saturday I was going to get up, go for a walk, do some chores around the pad and run some errands. Oh yeah, that sooo didn't happen. Bloomberg's campaign woke me up JUST to ask me if I planned on voting for him (I'm thinking no now) but I went right back to bed and overslept by about 3 hours. Good times. So I had to scramble and get ready for Maggie's birthday brunch at Dr. Muffy & Steph's house. Maggie's friend Nano baked a cake and brought truffles and Steph did a yummy egg thing. There was salad and I think I ate about a pound of cheese. So it was a lovely brunch. That I stayed at way too long. But I was having a good time. What can I say?

I left with barely enough time to get home, shower and change for Iolanthe's Halloween Party. She's invited me to two birthday parties and a couple others and I've always had to bail at the last minute for a variety of reasons. "Sick mother" met with a lot more sympathy than "we spent longer gambling at Mohegan Sun than I thought we would" did. Anyway, since Dr. Muffy was spending the night of her 30th all quiet and snuggled with Steph I figured I MUST make this party. Big D wanted to hit a costume party and Maggie decided she wanted some party time as well so we all banded together. Which is good as Iolanthe is up in Inwood and Maggie drove us from Brooklyn to the Upper East Side to the party and back again. Not only is she fun, but she's handy!

The party was okay. They were playing some sort of drinking game called "What the Fuck?" I think I would've enjoyed it more if I had known more of the people or if I hadn't initially walked in on a question involving poo. But I had a giant glass of vodka, chatted with some fun folks, saw Lovey rock a super girl costume, Iolanthe rock green face paint like nobody's business and Maggie work a last minute Barbarella even as the dress shredded around her. Good times. My last minute, pulled out of my ass costume was that of a Red Shirt. And either folks immediately got it and laughed, or they just looked confused. This possibly makes me a nerd, yes?

We also found out just how popular Ron Burgandy was around the neighborhood. Ron interviewed quite a few young men and they alseemedmd happy to chat. Which we found very reassuring after one group of guys were able to peg which car was Maggie's while we were still almost a block a way from returning to it. Apparently the guy knows all the cars on the block and that one was a new one. But he, like everyone else, adores good ol' Ron.

After that we drove back to the Upper East Side and Maggie and I went for dinery goodness while Big D went to Karaoke up a storm. Completely in character. So I hear. I was enjoying Grilled Cheese and girl talk. After that Maggie and attempteded to enjoy some Karaoke before admitting we were worn out. Well, I did last about two songs more than Maggie before realizing that I would rather be sleeping than watching Ron get his mack on while other people sang off-key.

Not that I slept that much. I don't sleep so well in other people's beds. And Big D has a TV right there at the foot of his bed. With HBO! My TV is several feet to the right of the foot of my bed and just doesn't make TV viewing as easy. Plus, Ron Burgandy is not as popular with the Upper East Side Ladies as he is with the Inwood Gents so... he arrived home around 5 in the morning babbling about Aqualung and then mumbled around in character for a good long while. That man is very lucky that he is adorable and that he was kind enough to let me crash at his place.

And the reason I wanted to crash at his place is because my alarm was set to go off at 7:20AM. So I could get up and head out to Central Park. Last month Maggie ran her first Big Girl Race of four miles and this month Dr. Muffy was going to run her first Big Girl Race of five miles. And Maggie was joining her. Yes, Dr. Muffy gets her PhD., turns 30 and runs a five mile race all in less than a month. Yes, she does make me feel completely inadequate. Why do you ask? I figure I will be living in a sanitarium with my stuffed cats and imaginary friends when she turns 35 after establishing herself as some kind of crazy super doctor.

So, I got up, weeping. Dressed myself and decided I was going to walk to our meeting spot. Woo. Yeah, I'm a badass. Heh. Met up with Steph and the Fabulous Girl Racers, saw them to the starting line, took some photos, cheered their start and then wandered off for coffee with the man where we could chat and sit in awe at the super fast racers who came tearing around the final curve six seconds later. Give or take 20 minutes or so. Then we cheered our girls to the finish line and were impressed with how not out of breath and not wet non angry non beet like they were.

Then we attempted brunch. Maggie and Nano wanted to go to this place called Prune and once Steph heard of their Bloody Marys we were in a cab heading downtown. But we were a party of five waiting for super trendy brunch. After about an hour or so, upon learning there was ANOTHER party of five ahead of us, not including the one just called in or the large assortments of 2s and 3s and 4s... I suspected I wasn't going to be able to wait as long as it would take to get in and still make it home before my parents, let along make it home in time to tidy a little. So I bailed. I hear the food was good.

Got home to tidy a little before my parents called to say their flight was in early and they were on their way to Brooklyn. Oh, and there was a brief lecture from the cats about staying out all night after not being home much the two weeks prior and you really don't want to hear it. The cats have potty mouths and they were mad.

The folks arrived about the same time my cold symptoms did. But luckily they were tired and jet lagged after an awesome week in Germany and we all just sat around moaning and chatting before enjoying an evening of Pizza and TV. Then Mom passed out and I made cupcakes. She actually valiantly roused herself at one point with the intention of helping her baby girl ice the cupcakes, but they weren't cooled enough for that. And she went back to bed, down for the count. But, I soon got the cupcakes done and headed to bed.

Monday my adorable father insisted on walking me to the subway platform with my cupcakes as he didn't want me to have to carry them along with my bookbag and purse. Cutest man ever. The office party Lovey, Sheena and I held was fun, but mellow. And much needed after my surreal performance evaluation.

After work I met Dr. Muffy for coffee and had a fabulous chat with her. We were supposed to hit the Natural History Museum with Muppet for some fun Halloween thing, but Muppet had a board meeting and I got stuck late at work and Dr. Muffy was Dr. Science on her own until our coffee time. Then, instead of going home like a sane person I got sucked into helping Monkey Man with a paper he has due today. And the bitch better have gotten an A on it. Dangit. After which I got to ride the F train post parade with all the crazy costumed folks. Most of them were fun but some ho in a prison costume (complete with visitor window & phones) moved someone over so she could take up the two seats next to me and dig the edge of her wooden window ledge into my thigh. Lots of folks taking pictures of her probably have my obnoxious eye roll next to her.

Anyway, this is all to say that I am very happy to be heading home soon to my soup, my kitties and my TiVo. Bliss.

Bernankular

I know only about seven of you read this, but I thought I would try and do my tiny little part to spread the word.

BERNANKULAR

Buy a t-shirt. Magnets and buttons make great stocking stuffers. Support the cause.

Shopping

I shopped a good portion of the day away on Friday. I shopped even more on Saturday. Then, on Sunday, I shopped a little more. I took Monday & Tuesday off from shopping and then was at it again last night.

My all-girl puppet band (Lovey, Muppet & Bambi) and I went to one of those cheesy Shecky's parties. Muppet thought it would be fun and I adore a goodie bag so we all got tickets for last night. Muppet was very excited, but Lovey and I worried when Lovey, Muppet and I arrived around 6 to a long LINE. Just to get in the damn door. And then we saw what we think was a bus from Jersey pull in to dump a ton of women out. Lovey started dreading the crowds and I started wondering how many folks I'd have to physically knock to the ground before they threw me out. It was a dark mood.

And some of the event wasn't so great. The organization was kind of all over the place. And it was PACKED. They also promised dessert fondue and snacks. I NEVER saw dessert fondue and I'm pissed about it. One nice woman who sold Bambi a sexy top claimed it was there earlier, but I'm not sure I believe her. And the snacks? Hmmmm... I had a cookie and about 10 M&Ms. That does not count as good cocktail party snack food. Dammit. And the crowds. Damn. TONS of people and about 75% of them were the stupid type who think stopping in the middle of a walkway is fine. Stopping to look at the vendor tables I understand. Hanging out in the lounge areas is fine. Stopping just mere footsteps away from the lounge areas to gossip while people are trying to pass you? Not so good.

But, it was still fun. Hanging with the girls was good. The goodie bag was excellent and came with a metric buttload of crap like body wash and bath salts and trashy novels and sampler CDs and tons of tiny free samples and coupons and a map and other such nonsense. Going through it at home, I thought it was the neverending clown car of goodie bags. There were also free drinks. Amstel Light isn't my beer of choice but the pineapple juice & vodka of some sort drinks were lovely. Bambi got a totally hot top that would even be work appropriate under a jacket. Lovey got a ton of stuff and I was peer pressured into an excellent (and very me) ring as well as a couple of watches. And Muppet got something for her niece, as well as something I will not be discussing here. And there was lots of mocking of folks, getting TWO Chanel gift bags after chatting with the rep for a bit (and I think I now have an appointment for a makeover sometime in December), spritzing with cucumber & green tea something or other, using the word cute a million times, the bliss in discovering the cookie tray, and just doing the friends hanging out thing. I don't know if I'd go to every single one of these, but I might be talked into going again some day.

And then today Muppet, Dr. Muffy and I went to the back room with the awesome purses and I got a fabulous brown "prada" bag. I may have to go again. There was a red & black "gucci" that I covet. Hmmmm... Maybe AFTER Christmas. Or maybe I can do some shopping there... Anyone on my Christmas list who adores a fab fake bag?

Sadly, Dr. Muffy is making us celebrate her 30th tomorrow, so I just don't know when I'll find the time to shop.

Speaking of... Dr. Muffy joined me at the office for lunch today. She's got some time between doctoring degrees and figured she'd check out corporate life. I had a fabulous time, but I fear I bored her silly and introduced her to way too many people. I always feel like such a dork taking people on tours. I find they're rarely fascinated by the same inane stuff that intrigues me. So then I just try and show them everything and eventually we end up with, "and this is the freight elevator doors and this is the supply cabinet..." We did learn that Dr. Muffy has a cooler supply cabinet. I have file folders and paper clips. She has ethanol and nitrous. She wins. She did get to meet the mail guy that Lovey & I find to be adorable but we were not able to spot the hot married man that I try hard not to lust after. And she met one of my crazy bosses. The craziest one. As well as tons of other folks. Good times. I love hanging out with people in the office rather than doing work. You should all come visit.

Too busy to blog

After posting yesterday I realized it had been a little over a month since my last post and well over a month since my last valid post. I kept meaning to write about the things I was doing and had all kinds of funny stories (that I may still write), but I just never got around to it. Because I am lazy. But, things aren't going to get any less busy so I'm just going to have to buckle down. Toe the line. Blah blah something. I don't know. Whatever. I just wanted to list all the awesome things I've been doing over the past month so you all become insanely jealous of me and wish you had my rock star life. And I thought I needed an intro paragraph for that. I really don't though.

I:

• Went to the Central Park Zoo to see MONKEYS and sea lions and penguins (Muppets favorite) and polar bears.
• Saw the Penguin movie (with Muppet, of course).
• Finally checked out the museum of sex which houses loads of imagines of nekkid men and allowed me the opportunity to watch hours of porn (old and new) with Muppet and Bambi.
• Watched Muffy become Dr. Muffy. She did it brilliantly and beautifully (as is her nature) and I was and still am insanely proud of her.
• Shopped Boston.
• Ate at the Salty Dog.
• Pigged out at Chat 'n Chew.
• Purchased a Big Box o' Chocolate.
• Walked for miles and miles.
• Attended a fabulous art opening.
• Attempted Weak Ass Canadian Bowling (and failed at it spectacularly).
• Sampled the tasty bean & rice hospitality of Vader.
• Reunited with my fabulous reading buddy, the feisty and witty Troublemaker.
• Drank beer and ate pizza with IT boys.
• Took the ethical slut quiz jointly with Dr. Muffy. After taking it again without Dr. Muffy I find we are less ethical but also still a wee bit less slutty together than apart. But either way we're very slutty, ethical women. Bow before us.
• Learned about vegan porn with Dr. Muffy & Steph. Heh. Google that, bitches.
• Went to see Serenity with Lovey where I was sad to see Mal with pants that are slightly less tight than they were in Firefly but the topless mostly made up for that. And then. I got to see... CRAZY LADY PANTIES!!!!!!!
• Celebrated my PimpDaddy's aging process and ruined the ending of the latest Amazing Race for his brother because I am, unintentionally, the world's biggest asshole.
• Ate vegetarian at Meat Heaven.
• Battled a stomach bug of epic proportions. And walked it off. Doctors schmoctors.
• Shopped Boston.
• Cursed the rain.
• Vacuumed my comforter.
• Cheered and photographed Maggie as she ran her first big girl race. I am in awe. Running five yards pisses me off. Five miles? Rock on, little Maggie. Rock on.
• Stayed up most of the night with a drunk friend who needed to vent and then went off to view the horrible Cry Wolf and then the even more horrible Venom (only paid for one!). And would not have done that with anyone but my adorable Buzz.
• Went to a rugby game that included cheers such as "cover your ears" (after we learned it's not unheard of for them to be ripped off), naked rugby boys, "gatorade, corona, coconut mojitos" and fireworks.
• Rocked out with Rock Star Fran and others. Well, drank beers and ate Indian food, but that's totally just like rocking out.
• Suffered through a work party that offered psychics and an open bar (thank you, jeebus!).
• Worked way more than I'd like.
• Saw Wallace & Gromit (with a couple OTHER THAN Dr. Muffy & Steph).
• Lunched with Charlotte and her O Magazine self.
• Enjoyed the new Fall season. I'm talking the TV season. I hate the start of cold weather and am refusing to wear my winter coat until it's November.
• And some other stuff that I'm sure was awesome but that I'm just forgetting.

In the future I will:

• Attend Homecoming.
• Welcome Dr. Muffy to her 30's. Heh.
• Have Sunday dinner with my lovely & jet lagged folks.
• Scrub my bathroom.
• Cheer and photograph Dr. Muffy as she does her first big girl race.
• Avoid the flu.
• Attend the Phi's national convention in providence. Which should only involve about 20 or so hours of board meetings - yes, you do want my rock star life.
• Go to Shecky's night out to drink Amstel Light, eat dessert fondue, score a goodie bag and mock the women of New York mercilessly with Bambi, Lovey and Muppet. Bambi, Lovey and Muppet? Hell.
• Introduce Dr. Muffy to the International Bar in my company's cafeteria. I think it's only Italian Nation day on the day she's coming. Which is sad. Monday was Comfort Food Nation day. But Thursdays are usually Tapas Bar days so that'll be nice for her. Then she can tour my two by two inch cubicle and see the IT room where boys will mock and throw balls at us. Call me if you'd like to schedule a hot lunch date like this with me.
• Christmas shop until I drop. In Boston. And New York. And Honolulu.
• Spend Thanksgiving with Turnip. Hopefully?
• Attempt the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. Again. Maybe this will be the year I actually go.
• Finally make plans with the guy I've been playing phone tag with for the past few months. (You matchmaking freaks stop that thought right now it is NOT like that!)
• Survive November Sweeps.
• Attend a Halloween party. Maybe even in costume (a costume I will pull together in about 30 seconds, much like I did with previous costumes such as Cher Impersonator and The Country Music Awards).
• Throw a work Halloween Party to celebrate what is sure to be a shitty performance evaluation and the announcement of no raise or promotion ever.
• Have tea with the nicest Opera Divas I know.
• Visit my doctor to see if the 15 pounds I've lost have helped anything.
• Begin my Christmas insanity.
• Help organize the huge work birthday party Sheena will demand.
• Celebrate Maggie's birthday with brunch and festivities and such.
• Take a nap?

Small town Indiana

So, yesterday I went in for my annual vaginal poking. Good times. Apparently my pelvic exam is fine and now I just wait to hear how my cervix is and if I have the HIV, the syphilis, the Heps (B&C), the gonorrhea, the chlamydia and the something else. I have forgotten what the something else is. It wasn't the HPV because they're only testing for that if the swabbing shows abnormality. Hmmmmm... Yes well, I guess it's only important if I have it and I'm sure they'll give me the name of it when they tell me I have it. Or don't have it. Whatever. More girlie info than you ever wanted, huh boys? It's good to know about the wiminfolks sometimes though. Really. I'll let you tell me all about your last boy poking if you want.

Anyway, I had the day off so between poking and a lovely dinner with Vader I had some time to kill. A weekend in Boston left me a little tired of shopping and running errands so I figured I'd go see Elizabethtown. It looked like crap. I heard it was crap. No one was ever going to see it with me. So, why not a matinee.

Now, you might be thinking why go at all, right? Well... my Daddy is from a small town not too far outside of Louisville. So, from the moment I heard Kirsten Dunst lecturing Orlando Bloom on the pronunciation of Louisville I sorta knew I had to go see it.* I actually watched all of Varsity Blues because Daddy liked it and said it kinda reminded him of high school and playing on Salem's football team and all. Yes, I have mad love for my Dad and a serious sentimental streak. Whatever. We can't all be cold-hearted bad asses all the time, can we?

Anyway, the movie is crap. Really. It had the potential for a good time, but it wasn't a good time. And yet, on more than one occasion I actually found myself crying a little in the theater. Because I am an idiot. And because I am a sentimental fool.

It's not like I watched it thinking, Oh MY GOD THAT'S JUST LIKE SALEM. 'Cause it's not. At all. But there was enough of it in there that reminded me of my Dad's family. And my mom's family. Little goofy not quite right things that about small town life that reminded me of the true things about small town life. And with the story's funeral and memorial planning, it brought up a lot of memories from my Papaw's funeral. Which was my first funeral. And my last. And one of the most horrible things I've ever attended. Not that it wasn't well done or that it didn't honor my Papaw's memory. It did. But because it honored his memory and not his living, breathing self sitting next to me, it was agony.

So I thought a lot about that. And about my family. And about all the ridiculous things that make my family what it is. And how much I love all those ridiculous things. Even the ones I hate. I wish I could be with my family more. I wish I lived closer to all of my family. Not just my parents, but the whole freakin' clan. All the freakin' clans. But that's not possible. And really, I don't think I could give up my life in New York. And if we're being honest, we'd all probably kill each other if we lived close together. Though the survivors would totally feel guilty about it after a few years. But I don't see any of them as much as I'd like to. Which is sad. But I see enough of them to love them, and to want to see more. Enough to feel like the time I do spend with them isn't enough.

When I was watching that movie a ton of memories came flooding back. Just little things. Mostly ones involving sitting around, saying silly things, getting into little fights and cooking or eating obscene amounts of food. Just the hanging out and being a family sorts of memories. Some of which I can't ever recreate because four out of the six grandparents I knew are dead. And we're all older and more scattered. But I have them. And the weddings and the babies and those of us still around create the potential for more memories. Which is good.

And I haven't even gotten to get into all the road trip memories the last little bit of the movie brought up. But I won't. Not right now, as this entry would never end.


*One Thanksgiving some family from Salem actually quizzed me on the pronunciation to make certain I wasn't too New Yorkified. I passed.

Vacation

So, I'm trying to find something fun to do, outside of New York for sometime around October 12-16. Any suggestions? Any interest?

I Talk Too Much (Skip the first paragraph, Daddy)

I spent the majority of today's morning commute thinking highly inappropriate thoughts about the Xavier Rugby player sitting across from me. Please let me know if you have the name and number of an appropriate therapist for me. In my defense, he was really, really cute. And I think he was probably a senior. At the very least a junior. And really, really cute. Plus, I think I'm in heat. Normally it only happens when I ovulate, but maybe September is special. You know what I mean by heat, right? Not all catlike and rubbing my butt on things and yowling. Just noticing the hotness of boys more and wanting to climb the walls a little? Yeah. It's that. And in this vulnerable state the powers that be threw a teenaged hottie rugby player in front of me. Then sent me off to the dermatologist to get groped (in a very polite & professional manner). Then put the smokin' hot married man of my dreams (no, I am not a homewrecker. Yet. So dreamy...) in front of me in the caf at lunch. Later today I'm supposed to get a massage from a friend. Maybe I should reschedule. I mean, how many times in one day can a girl take off her clothes and lay down on a table to get groped by some guy? Ugh, I've now made myself feel dirty. Actually I think I made myself feel dirty back when I typed ovulate.

My weekend was good. Spent very little time in my apartment which upset the kitties. When I got home last night Nani meowed endlessly and then jumped on my chair and wedged herself between the back of the chair and my ass and meowed until I finally gave her some attention. I am such a bad mom.

The weekend was exhausting, though. Worked late on Friday, went for a walk and got to bed way too late for the 6:45AM alarm the next day. Drove to CT with Steph and Maggie for a 37 hour alumni board meeting. Though there was lunch at some point in there and I think some hanging out with friends I hadn't seen in a while. The meeting was fairly productive but way too long. But then again anything more than two hours is too long to me so... We picked up Charlotte for the trip home and ended up stopping at the Super Duper Weenie (original) for a snack on the way. The dogs were tempting but I went with the Tuna salad and the onion rings. Awesome onion rings.

Then we unloaded Charlotte at her place, got Maggie to her place to change into a bra-revealing top for her later activities, grabbed Muffy and drove out to Red Hook for dinner. We figured we had the car for the night and might as well go someplace that's best reached by car. After lottery ticket purchasing we settled in at 360 for a late, long dinner. The menu is not veggie friendly, but when Steph asked the waiter about it, he said they could do a veggie plate for me. It turned out to be rather good. Though I still don't like broccoli rabe. The wine was tasty and the company excellent. Though the other patrons... my god. It was pretty noisy in there which wasn't fun, but the woman at the table next to us was special. Our waiter was at our table discussing wines with Steph when he suddenly looked a little startled and turned around. The woman there had been Pinching His Ass! When he turned around all confused she said, "Hey, babe, can you get us some dessert when you get a chance?" Dude. They had JUST finished their dinner. It wasn't as if they had been sitting around waiting or anything. And he was very obviously in the middle of discussing the wine list with us. She just pinched this guy's ASS outta nowhere. He was very polite, said he'd get someone for her, went and got one of the other guys there and then came back and stood on the other side of the table to finish our orders, saying it was "safer" over there. Poor guy. He was really nice too. Turns out Muffy & Maggie had thought the woman was a friend of his and called him Dave. We asked him about it towards the end of the meal and had a pretty funny conversation about it. Then we spent a hunk of the rest of our time there making ass pinching jokes. As well as stuffing our faces. I tried to be good and avoid dessert but Waiter "Dave" brought me some anyway. And who am I to turn away free caramel dessert something or other? Takes a stronger woman than this one.

Sunday was brunch at Lobo with Muffy and Steph. After that we were going to head to the bookstore to look at travel guides and ponder a trip in October. Brunch ended around 1:30 or so. I got home about 9 that night. We spent hours and hours on the internet hashing over what we wanted to do. We are all really excited about Rome, but are now having problems deciding where to stay and what's the cheapest way to do it. Muffy and I thought we'd finally settled on a package/hotel when Steph came over with an article he'd read talking about cheap fabulous hotels/hostels. Turns out it was written by Pumpkin's old college roommate. A travel writer. Who I knew was a serious expert on Italy but had forgotten about as I haven't seen him in ages, partially because Pumpkin hasn't been to visit in ages (yes, that was a hint). So, we thought we'd see if we could hire or badger him into giving us advice and help and are tabling things for a couple of days. I think Muffy, Steph and I are just so different, opinionated and talky that we may end up spending more time planning the trip then we'll actually spend on it. But I'm really in love with the idea of Rome. Especially with a day trip to Pompeii. Though it makes my head hurt to think of how much it's all going to cost. But it should be worth it, right? Yes. Once we get our tickets and reservations. Heh.

I've always wanted to go to Italy. It's going to be Awesome. And they totally have hottie rugby players in Italy. Right?

Friday Quiz (not)

So.... Since my first attempt at a quiz was a disaster I will skip it this week and ponder trying again next week.

Today, I will list things I love about New Orleans and the Gulf Coast.

And hopefully I will be able to see and experience these things again. Soon. Well, most of them.

1) Sitting on the bank of the Mississippi eating Toblerone and Muffalettas from Central Grocery.

2) Going to see Romeo & Juliet (the ballet) with Tangerine, spotting the hottest dancers a couple of hours later in the French Quarter and then stalking them around the Quarter for ages before giving up in a fit of giggles.

3) The first time I ever caught a crab in a crab trap down in Montrose (Fairhope), Alabama.

4) Casting the net with the official "Mullet Man" of Fairhope (it IS official, I have the certificate) off various piers; catching lots and lots of mullet for him to smoke and give away.

5) Eating a crawfish po-boy at the Fairgrounds at the New Orleans Jazz & Heritage Festival.

6) Being confronted with a Natchitoches Meat Pie and being powerless against it. Years of vegetarianism out the window. And it was so worth it. Especially when later eating a Muffaletta.

7) Running around the USS Alabama like a demon child with my cousins almost every Easter when we'd go to visit my grandparents.

8) Watching tons of ParrotHeads at the NO Jazz & Heritage Festival acting like awesome dorks while Buffett sang onstage.

9) Sitting right outside the Gospel tent at the Jazz Fest on a Sunday morning with my iced coffee and my beignets listening to the Nevilles - best Church Service in the world.

10) Aw hell, ANYTHING at the New Orleans Jazz & Heritage Festival.

11) Sand crabs on the beach in Gulfport.

12) Purchasing a stuffed crawfish that I later named Cheeto.

13) Riding the streetcar past all the pretty, pretty houses.

14) Eating dinner at the Commander's Palace on prom night with my folks, way before I was old enough to go to Prom. Back before Emeril's name was a household one.

15) Spending Easter Weekend at Nottaway Plantation with my parents and grandparents, during my Gone with the Wind obsession, pretending I was Scarlett O'Hara with flouncy skirts and a billion potential boyfriends. I was about 11, it was a totally acceptable fantasy.

16) Eating black olives and cottage cheese from the Fairhope Yacht Club salad bar and then polishing off a huge steak to please my grandfather.

17) Sitting on the lower level of my cousin's pier house in 'bama while he showed me glow-in-the-dark jelly fish in the water right below us.

18) Riding in a boat with my family down in Alabama and seeing dolphins swimming next to us.

19) Sitting on the porch at my cousins' house. My grandmother had died and we had all gathered together for her memorial at the church. After that we went to my cousins' place and watched the sun set talking about family and my grandmother. And it helped me deal with losing her. Being there and being with my family, remembering her in a place that suited her well.

Dismal Failure

Well, it appears none of you watch Charlie's Angels. I'm disgusted with all of you. And I will be having a mandatory party soon where we will watch about 17 hours of Charlie's Angels episdoes. Be there or feel my wrath.

Answers below. No one wins. You all suck.

1) Which Angel is the only one to star in all five seasons?
Kelly Garrett/Jaclyn Smith (2)

2) In "Night of the Strangler" (episode 3), what did the killer use to strangle his/her vicitms?
Rag Doll (2)

3) From what cities did each Angel come when they joined Charlie's team?
Sabrina - LA
Jill - LA
Kelly - LA
Kris - San Francisco
Tiffany - Boston
Julie - LA (5)

4) Which Angel was Kate Jackson originally set to play?
Kelly Garrett, in the end played by Jaclyn Smith (1)

5) From what profession did each Angel come when they joined Charlie's team?
Sabrina - Police Force
Jill - Police Force
Kelly - Police Force
Kris - Police Academy
Tiffany - Police Academy
Julie - Modeling (5)

6) What profession did Jill chose after leaving Charlie's team?
Professional Race Car Driver (1)

7) How many seasons saw Farrah Fawcett-Majors as one of the three starring angels?
One, she returned for guest starring roles in three episodes each for seasons 3 & 4 (1)

8) Which Angel's boyfriend was played by Tom Selleck?
Kelly Garret (1)

9) What sport did the Angels play in "Angels in the Backfield" (Season 2)?
Football (1)

10) Who was the final actress to be added to the Angel line-up? Extra point for her character's name.
Tanya Roberts/Julie Rogers (2)

11) Between which two seasons was there NOT a change in the Angel line up?
Season 2 & 3 (1)

12) With what other Spelling show did the Angels combine casts for the Season Four premier?
The Love Boat (1)

More of My Rock Star Life

I am in desperate need of a vacation. So bad. The long weekend was lovely, but not nearly long enough.

I headed to Branford in Connecticut to hang with Pumpkin, Fishboy and Pumpkin's aunt. She has a cute little house right by the beach so most of the weekend was spent walking dogs, sleeping and lazing around the beach with a book. It was great to see all of them and to catch up on sleep and dog time. We also watched Super Size Me which made me grateful that I'm currently working on eating healthier and also made me reconsider ever eating McDonald's fries again. In one of the DVD extras Spurlock puts various Mickey D products in glass canisters to see what happens compared to a standard restaurant burger and fries. Ten Weeks later everything else had molded but the fries. They looked exactly the same as they did when he got them. So disturbing to me. We also watched Monster-In-Law as well, but the less said about that the better. I think I'd rather eat the fries than see that again. And I love Jane Fonda and topless Michael Vartan. So very sad.

The beach was awesome, though. Just laying around talking a little, swimming a little, reading a little and dozing a little was great. We had good weather, lots of sun and one visit by the ice cream man. Monday was the prettiest day and it sucked to have to leave early to head home. It's been a while since I was in Hawai'i for any length of time and I didn't realize how much I missed just laying around in the sunshine with the sound of waves and water birds and people playing around on the beach. I need to get outside more. New York is making me a pasty, doughy, indoors girl and I don't like it.

This week has been pretty busy. Lots going on at work now that the summer is over and we have to get back to being more productive. Which sucks. As I hate my job. Plus lots of friend time. Late dinner at Gravy with Maggie on Tuesday and then a bit of a walk searching for the mythical bus that goes almost straight to her 'hood from mine. Turns out it's not so mythical but it does stop running around 9something at night. But now we know. For the future. Though the bus does scare me a little. I'm so comfortable with the subway now that I've forgotten all I knew of bus etiquette.

Tuesday was also my first dentist visit in about 7 or 8 years. What a way to kick of the day after Labor Day. It was pretty bad and apparently two "quadrants" needed deep cleaning as opposed to the regular kind. Who knows. But it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. And we were all (me, dentist, hygenist and receptionist - VERY friendly dental office) quite pleased that my teeth are pretty good and I have no cavities. Now I just have to decide what I want to do about my wisdom teeth.

Last night Vader came over for pizza, beer and Veronica Mars. I was one of the seven folks who watched and loved it last season and Vader (as well as PimpMama) got into it through reruns this summer. I've been TiVoing a few for her over the summer and kept the season finale on TiVo so we could watch a bunch of them together. Last night was the second to last episode so I had her over to watch that and then the finale. She's hooked and we now have only 20 days until the premiere. Woo.

The rest of the week involves walking (still obsessing over weight & diet), making cupcakes, TiVo catch up and an alumni board meeting. Because I am that exciting. That damn exciting.

Rival Friday Quiz

So, PimpDaddy keeps having Friday quizzes on his blog. And they're all fancy pants ones like architecture and world leaders and fancy beer and things. All that highbrow stuff at which I suck so completely. So, I'm going to have a rival Friday quiz for the lowbrow crowds. We're kicking this off with a Charlie's Angels Quiz.

Email me your answers, don't post them in the comments section. These questions apply to the TV Angels, not the movie ones. Also, no looking any of this stuff up on the magical interweb or anything like that. There are 23 points possible. When names are involved you get 3/4 a point for the first name and 1/4 a point for the last name - the full point requires both names. You have until Tuesday night.

1) Which Angel is the only one to star in all five seasons? (1 point for actress's name, 1 point for character's name)

2) In "Night of the Strangler" (episode 3), what did the killer use to strangle his/her victims? (2 points)

3) From what cities did each Angel come when they joined Charlie's team? (1 point per Angel)

4) Which Angel was Kate Jackson originally set to play? (1 point)

5) From what profession did each Angel come when they joined Charlie's team? (1 point per Angel)

6) What profession did Jill chose after leaving Charlie's team? (1 point)

7) How many seasons saw Farrah Fawcett-Majors as one of the three starring angels? (1 point)

8) Which Angel's boyfriend was played by Tom Selleck? (1 point)

9) What sport did the Angels play in "Angels in the Backfield" (Season 2)? (1 point)

10) Who was the final actress to be added to the Angel line-up? Extra point for her character's name. (2 points)

11) Between which two seasons was there NOT a change in the Angel line up? (1 point)

12) With what other Spelling show did the Angels combine casts for the Season Four premier? (1 point)

Hurricane News

My Mom's nightly email from last night discussed some news she read about Fairhope, AL. It appears the yacht club down there is destroyed and the piers are a mess as well as a lot of homes and things. I know it's so small in the grand scheme of things; people losing their homes forever, all the death and destruction. But it breaks my heart a little to think of all the places that my grandparents used to take me being reduced to rubble. It breaks my heart more to think of what everyone is going through down there. But I guess it brings it home a little more for me to think of all those wonderful memories I had of the pier and the yacht club. All the dinners Bz would buy for me at the club. The salad bar I loved as a kid 'cause they'd let me just fill my salad plate with cottage cheese and black olives. The 'fancy' ladies room with green couches. The time Vader and I were visiting and after dinner went to wade in the water. We ended up totally soaking ourselves and spent the ride home on the floor of the backseat so we wouldn't mess up Nana & Bz's pretty car. My great-aunt Jean taking us to dinner there the last time I was down, right after my grandfather passed away. Fishing off those piers with Bz, getting mullet and crab.

And also thinking of all my wonderful trips to New Orleans. Not with my grandparents but with my parents. And one spring break with Tangerine. And one jazz fest with a guy who's family still lives there. And all the stuff that's probably beyond repair down there. It's such an amazing city.

I'm still having a hard time wrapping my head around it. And I'm still having a hard time dealing with the fact that there is very little I can do to help. But, I guess even my little donation helps. And this country rebuilds and survives. And everyone will get through this. And it's probably good to remember that.

Katrina

I have a lot of friends and family down South. No direct friends and family in New Orleans, but friends of friends and such down there. And I love the city so much. I was even planning on heading down there next Spring for Jazz Fest and really looking forward to it. And it's so hard to think of everything going on down there right now.

Most of my friends and family have gotten in touch and are okay overall. But a lot of them have had to leave their homes and aren't sure when they're going to get back. And they're worried a lot about the people still there. A friend of mine described the damage to New Orleans as "devastating" and urged a bunch of us to donate to the Red Cross if we can. So I'm passing that along.

It just seems so weird to know what's going on down there and to get emails and calls from friends but to be so far removed from it. All Katrina has given New York is a lot of humidity. And everyone at work going on about the economic implications. It just seems unreal and no matter how much film I see, I can't wrap my head around it. This morning my Mom started talking about how she doesn't think New Orleans will ever be the same and that she's glad we went so many times and that we'll have those memories.

I want to send my thoughts and prayers, but don't know what to wish for. So much has already happened. I guess I just hope that everything goes as well as it can from here on out and people are able to salvage a lot of their homes and lives, and that the death toll isn't too high.

Update: Not all of my family and friends are accounted for yet. But they're in areas that are without phone service and such. And hopefully we would've heard by now if things were serious. My friend in Baton Rouge says it's horrible down there and, "I would say the best thing to do is to have you and your friends make monetary donations to the red cross - they are begging for them down here." Give if you can.

Work Outings

So, I'm still trying to figure out if trampolining in front of my bosses, coworkers, assorted stuffy economists and strategists as well as the head of our department was the right thing. Whatever, after the initial 30 seconds of hooting from the peanut gallery Lovey and I had a lovely jumping time. I haven't been on a trampoline in ages and it was a blast. Though I can no longer do the thing where you jump, jump, jump, bounce down on your ass and bounce back up on your feet. Well, I don't think I can. I only tried it once.

Overall the outing was okay. It was not as bad as I thought it would be, but it was still a work outing. So it wasn't piles of fun. Drank a bunch of wine, ate very little as very little veggie stuff was offered, embarrassed myself in front of all on a trampoline, played with a huge dog, told some fun stories and went home. I've had worse nights. Like tonight. When I have to make fundraising phone calls and then take a long walk in some nasty humidity. Blech.

Love my friend time

This weekend was excellent. Though busy. I wanted to spend all of Monday in bed recovering. Sadly, there was work. And meetings. And such.

Friday I ducked out early and went home to mow the lawn. Weeded, mowed, raked, pruned and yanked vines. Good times. Actually, it sucked. And the lawn needs some serious rain and lots more work. But it looks kinda good. So I showered and took an afternoon nap. Love those.

Then off to Frankie's with Muffy and Steph. It was before the nasty Katrina humidity set in so we wanted to eat outside and settled down with drinks for the long wait for a table. I now have a new favorite drink and it's the ginger martini. Sooooo good. It was a fun night. Caught up with Muffy and Steph after a way too long away from them, ate good food, drank wine, enjoyed the night, watched a little mouse run around, that kinda thing. Nights like that make me love living in my 'hood.

Saturday I got my ass up and dragged it to Muffy & Steph's at 10AM. On a Saturday. So we could brave train madness and get to the Guggenheim. For some reason last weekend, the F wasn't stopping at our 'hood, the 4 wasn't running to Borough Hall, I think something was up with the C and maybe the R. Madness. Whatever. After a little fussing, we got ourselves to the upper east side for brunch at Sarabeth's with Iolanthe. Lovey and the Musical Genius were supposed to join us but cancelled that morning. They claimed illness but I suspect at least part of that was due to a strong desire to sleep in past 11AM. Their loss as we had a great time. Sarabeth's makes a tasty bloody mary and good eggs.

And then off to the Guggenheim for some Mapplethorpe fun. I'm not a huge fan of the Guggenheim but the exhibit sounded cool. And it was a nice mix of folks I think. People who could appreciate the work but still giggle a little too. Which I learned right off the bat. First, as we're reading the intro explanation wall one woman turns to the guy she's with and asks, "Do you like art?". Weird question to begin with, and as Iolanthe pointed out, kinda late to be asking now. Of course, when I asked Iolanthe if she liked art, she said no. Then, we see the photograph of a marble statue from behind. And the way the light hit and the polish of the marble, this guy had a VERY shiny ass. It was a little distracting. Nothing else was so shiny. Just the ass. And Iolanthe came up and told me she could focus on nothing else in the photograph. My kinda girl.

I really liked a lot of the work and the comparison with a variety of classical engravings and such was interesting. Though some comparisons looked like someone was really trying to put an exhibition together rather than something more natural. And, as Muffy pointed out, the Guggenheim kinda sucked for a black and white photography exhibit. With the light coming through the glass ceiling and the spiral walkway creating white horizontal striped reflections on the glass fronts, it was hard to see some of the photographs. Annoying but still fun. And I got a nice postcard of Ah-nold for Lovey. To remind her of our conference planning of doom in January and to let her know the fun times she missed. She now has the photograph as her computer's wallpaper. I'm contemplating calling HR to report her. Beefcake should not be allowed in the workplace.

After that we sent Iolanthe off to a massage and a possible date and wandered down to Tiffany's for bling window shopping and to get wedding rings polished and resized. I could not find a single engagement ring I liked. But at least Muffy enjoyed the testosterone panic in the room and the pearl cowboy, fireman and monopoly guys. And I did see a few emerald and opal pieces to buy when I have my millions.

After that some errands, dinner at Hill Diner (VERY alcoholic Sangria!) and off to the Cobble Hill Cinema for The Aristocrats. I kinda like the big theater a little better. Better seats and screens, but I think mostly I prefer the sketchier crowd with all their comments and rowdiness. Cobble Hill gets a little pretentious for my tastes. But the movie was hysterical. I hadn't heard the joke and I'm kinda glad as it was a surprise of sorts for me. But it was so funny. All three of us had at least five or so moments when we just lost it. And I didn't even get too fazed by all the poo talk. Though George Carlin almost did me in at the start of the movie. I completely recommend it and would be willing to go again. After that was some down time in my back yard with a bottle of wine and discussions on life and the after life. And poo. You know how it goes.

Sunday I slept in, did a a few chores and then headed off to Jersey. Getting to Jersey from Brooklyn ain't easy. Especially when the MTA doesn't want to provide any trains for me to use to leave the 'hood. So, after much walking, a couple of trains and more walking I made it to the home of PimpDaddy and PimpMama and had a delightful night. PimpMama made a great dinner and we chatted and caught up and had a good time. And all that walking and train hopping was good for me. I think I must've sweated out a few pounds. So sick of this humidity.

Last night was a gathering of Muffy, Steph, Charlotte, Maggie, PimpMama and I at Pop to discuss Sesquisentenial plans for the ALS. I managed to dump a full glass of Merlot in my lap and we did have to discuss event planning and all, but it was fun. And I got another glass of wine so everything worked out for the best.

Today we have our Econ/Strat outing at the big boss's house. I skipped out last year but am going this year. Skipped the golf clinic though. Golf and I no longer mix. I think it's better this way. I really hope it rains soon and kills the humidity before we head to CT for drinks around the pool. As wet as it is in the New York Metro area right now we might as well have drinks IN the pool. HATE the wet. HATE.

I'm That Girl

I have become that girl. The one who is obsessed with her weight and food and exercise and calories. The one who used to be interesting and funny and talked about sex a little too much but is now boring and looks at your cheeseburger as if she's counting how many calories it is and how many grams of saturated fat it contains and is thinking of how much she'd like to eat it RIGHT NOW.

I am so, so sorry. For my friends, for anyone who reads this blog, for anyone who works near me or sits near me in a restaurant. So, so sorry. Because now I just babble about what I'm eating or my latest grocery delivery or how many calories lawn mowing and weeding burn and how I'm healthy but won't be in a few years and how I really need to be careful about saturated fats and sodium and OH MY GOD SHUT ME UP!!!!!!

I want to talk about books and things I've done recently and travel and stuff like that. I haven't read a whole magazine in months and haven't touched From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler in days. I'm too obsessed with planning menus and weeding and planning walking schedules. But, it's not like it's a hard book that takes weeks to finish or sucks up huge amounts of time. I actually love it and have read it a million times. Whenever I read it I start talking about how cool it would be to live in the Met and what I would do. And then I start wondering if there are other museums I'd like living in more and ponder if they'd really have sheets on a bed in a museum. Though when I do that, it takes very little time before people call me a dork and run away. So maybe it's better that I talk about calories than that? I don't know. I just worry about me.

I just met up with Charlotte for coffee and chatting. Haven't seen her in ages and she's going to be working in my 'hood now. And the first thing I started talking about when she asked how I was... Yup, you guessed it. My doctor's visit and my weight and how I've lost 11 pounds and am eating healthier and walking more and sitting on my ass less and OH MY GOD SHUT ME UP!!!!! Though, after I got that out of my system and she nodded politely and said the right things we moved on to other topics like work and gossip and sex and wedding stuff and fall plans. So that's something. Still, I worry about me. Becoming so damn boring.

Don't even THINK about writing to tell me I was boring before.

Crazy lady (with cats!)

I was pondering last night, with Muffy & Steph, what my upstairs neighbor must think of me.

I sing in the shower. Loudly. Usually 50's pop tunes. "CUUUUUUUUU-pid, draw back your bo-ow, and let, your arrow flo-ow, straight to, my lover's heart, fo-orr meeeeeeeeeee."

Whenever I walk by the fly paper with the flies all stuck to it I yell "Die, motherfucker," because I really hate the flies. And I love me some Janice Dickinson. Last night, while doing my fave fun time activity of scooping the catbox, I discovered these flies had been trying to lay eggs in my kitties's poo. Well, some choice words yelled at the fly paper. Worse than "die, motherfucker". Yelled at flypaper. Full of fly carcasses. While holding a pooper scooper and a plastic grocery bag (double-bagged, of course) of poo. Picture it.

The stuff I yell at the cats when they fight each other, scratch the screen, scratch me, pee outside the box or throw up on my Playboys? It's not pretty and rarely makes sense. Growling "think inside the box, bitch" probably sounds a little off. Though if she could just see Nani standing in her litter box, happily peeing off the side and onto the floor she would totally understand. Cooing, "Did you kill something, baby? Good job, you kill that toy, Peanut," at 3 in the morning when DKE has woken me up to announce that she's killed her catnip mouse toy for the three millionth time has to sound kinda weird too yeah? Hopefully the upstairs neighbor sleeps through that.

But I KNOW she's seen me out in the back with the weeds when I see a bug, and then squeal like a four year old girl and do the bug dance with flailing arms and head shaking for about a minute. She's gotta think that's odd. Oh, shit. What if Hot Cop next door has seen me do that? Ooooh, so not good. But then again he's probably also seen me take out the trash in my house dress.

Ah, another thing. Yesterday, rather than taking 30 seconds to throw on shorts and a t-shirt to take out the trash, I just threw a short sleeved hoodie over my sarong (wrapped around me like a towel) and went out in my koala slippers.

I am so totally the crazy lady in the 'hood with the two cats and the slippers and the housedress (nightshirt, same thing) and the garden. Never getting married. Living to 102 and spending the last 50 years of that alone and inside while the neighborhood children make up scary stories about me. And when I die, my cats will eat me.

I *heart* Winn

I love the Winn Discount in my 'hood. It took me a while to discover it. Mom was visiting me around the time I was moving from my first Brooklyn apartment in Carroll Gardens to my second Brooklyn apartment in Cobble Hill, just three blocks away or so. She was gossiping with my neighbor for a bit during the move and the woman mentioned Winn. Which was just up the street from my old place. And she was shocked and appalled that Mom had never heard of it and that I had never been there. And so Mom trudged over and fell in love. And bought an ashtray and lectured me for not getting out more.

It's one of those great places that sorta seems to have everything and they have it for rather cheap. This Twinkle copper and silver polish that my Mom hasn't been able to find in years? Winn has it. Backyard parties need a cheap tablecloth, cups and possible a baby BBQ? Winn has it. I couldn't find my wrench to work on my shower head of doom and didn't really want to spend a lot of money on a new one? Went to Winn. Got a decent wrench AND a pipe wrench all for under $10. Plastic tubs and wrapping paper and bathroom trash cans... all at Winn. Good times.

And just recently I was scouring all over looking for fly paper. No one has any. You can get a Raid spray thing that bombs your whole house, but it involves spending half an hour outside of the house with the cats and I fear I'd want to wash all my pots and pans and dishes after. And I don't have a dishwasher. Sooooo... I want fly paper. And finally on my way home from work I remembered WINN! Oh yeah, they had it. Flies are dying horrible deaths in my apartment right now. Good times. And while I was there, the woman at the check out counter complimented my purse. Such a happy place. Winn Discount.

Pot Luck

I work with Economists. Nerdy economists. With fairly poor social skills. Very awkward folks to be around sometimes. I think when I started here I sorta terrified them. With my talking about things other than finance. I'm just wacky that way. One of the guys I work with, who has come a long way socially since I first started with the group, once responded to my hello with, "What? What? Do you need some data?"

But since that time Sheena and I have become friends and Lovey joined the group and now things are a bit livelier. And we work very hard to find ways to entertain ourselves to keep from losing our minds. We sneak out for the occasional movie. We joke around all the time. We bitch and moan and mock. We have huge (covering entire conference room tables with food and drink) parties for our own birthdays and the occasional holiday. And on Thursday we decided to try a pot luck, just for the hell of it. And because the fussiest of my bosses was out.

We had seven layer dip, hummus, veggies, chipitos (the first tortilla chip to come out against double dipping), a chicken poppy seed casserole, fruit salad, and a very garlicky guacamole. Oh, and chocolate chip cookies. We've been the most popular section of the floor for two days now. With everyone wanting to know what the occasion was. And of course the whole time we were here gorging and talking smack about the firm every member of management on our floor walked by. Good times.

We think we'll do it again soon. Maybe I'll even make Spaghetti Pie!

Slacker

I have been a horrible slacker. In so many ways. For one thing, I've slacked with the blog. Others have commented upon it. Including Daddy. Apologies. I will try to be better. Especially since one of the main reasons I started this damn thing was to encourage me to write regularly.

I have also slacked in many, many other ways. Which I've come to realize lately as I complain about one thing or the other. (I complain a lot, I'm a Gemini.) In many of the cases the person I'm complaining to (complaining at?) expresses sympathy and while I appreciate that sympathy I end up saying, "well, I only have myself to blame" or some variation on that. I have brought all these evils upon myself and now I'm going to have to work about a thousand times harder to fix everything so it can be maintained with average effort.

My Lawn. My beautiful, beautiful back yard. After my glorious day of mowing a million years ago I have neglected it. It was too hot or I was too tired or I wanted to do some weeding before mowing again or I had big plans or I know nothing about gardening (this last one is very true, I know NOTHING - Help ME!) blah blah blah. Whatever. I pussed out and now it's a jungle. The grass is super tall and I may have to whack it down before I can even mow it. Weeds have grown up so big and bad I think they might have devoured my azaleas. The back area which could be a great garden of some sorts is almost completely made up of weeds. The hammock is covered in twigs and things. The porch is littered with dried earthworm carcasses. It's a jungle. And it's my own damn fault. And I have to fix it. I've been yanking tall big weeds and pulling vines that are growing into the lilly bed. I have a few more hours of this before I can mow. 'Cause I want to try and yank the weeds out by the roots now that I can see them as weeds, which I don't think I'll be able to do so well once I've mowed them down. After I do that I'll mow. And after I mow I'll need to do more weeding and attack the back plot. And salvage the hammock. And sweep the porch. And clean the grill. All the while doing whatever I can to save the azaleas. I've cleared the weeds from them and have been watering them. But they're so brown and sad and I fear it might be too late. Still, it's not too late for the whole yard. And maybe after all this work I can have a yard that requires only a few hours of mowing and weeding a week in the spring and summer and only a few hours of maintenance a month in the fall and winter. We shall see.

The House. My apartment has gotten gross. It's a cute place but I have become the world's worst litterbox cleaner. And of course I chose to claim this title in the summer. When it's hot. And stinky. When the flies come out to play. Ah. The flies. One particularly bad time I just let the box go. For way too long. And the flies came. And now they won't leave. And I'll have to buy fly paper. And pray. And hopefully the flies will be gone soon. And one day the cats will remember that they're supposed to pee in the box and not on the floor beside the box. And life will be good. But, sadly, it's not just the catbox. Cat hair is on everything because I have some kind of aversion to my vacuum (maybe I need the Roomba). And I own too much crap and need to get rid of it. And I need to learn more about this verb "dust". I'm familiar with the noun "dust" as said noun is all over my furniture. I need to file all my papers and keepsakes away. I need to have a stoop sale and unload all the crap I collect because I have my Dad's compulsion to buy, buy, buy. I need to admit I'm never going to listen to the majority of my cassette tapes again and unload them. Things like that. I need to do my dishes and clean my fridge and reorganize my pots and my linen closet and all that crap. And I've started. Tuesday night, while avoiding more weeding (I weeded on Monday so hush up) I decided to clean the cat box which led to vacuuming which led to mopping which led to a pretty floor. Yay. And I tried out this pet hair/odor carpet thing last night that kinda works. You still need to put some effort into the vacuuming but it helps. Anyway, lots to do there, but I'm working on it.

My Fat Ass. As explored earlier this week, my eating and exercise habits are just embarrassing and it's led to a fat butt and a thick heart. Sometime in my adulthood I decided that eating a bag of chips while waiting for the mac (of boxed mac & cheese) to boil and then eating another bag of chips with the mac & cheese constituted an acceptable dinner. There are many other food crimes I used to commit on a daily basis, but I think I've embarrassed myself enough. You get the idea. And, as with everything else, it's all really my fault. My doctor was talking about getting me to a nutritionist and was asking me about how many calories I eat in a day. He was thinking I must have a slow metabolism and might need some help. And then I explained I eat about 3000 - 4000 calories a day. The fat ass, is all my own dam fault. I don't want to be as big as I am. I want to be in better shape. But until now I've never really wanted it enough. I would try diets for a while and eventually say screw it and inhale food again. I have tried different gyms and work outs and eventually gave those up. But it's just too much of a problem for me and now I must fix it. And I'm making progress so far. I'm down 10 pounds from my late June doctor's visit of doom. I'm paying more attention to what and how much I put in my mouth and I'm going out walking and all of that. Plus, the housework and yard work is making me more active and thus helping the ass as well. Though my poor interweb and TiVo are starting to feel a little neglected. Poor, poor little TiVo. Stuffed full on all those Daily Shows and bad shows I won't admit in writing that I watch.

My Job/Career. Once upon a time I was going to save the world. Then I was going to go to med school and become a doctor. And then I decided I was going to be an actress. The hell? A career where who you know and how you look matters more than anything else combined? Yeah, that's a wise choice for me. Or not. But I chose it, so I came to New York to do a little theatre and hang out while waiting for my fiance to graduate, at which point we could move elsewhere. The fiance didn't work out, New York and I fell in love and the acting attempt was rather half-assed. I quickly became disillusioned with the NYC theatre scene and decided to take a break and just make money and have a good time. That break has lasted years and years and I think I'm finally admitting I'm never going back to acting full time. Or even mildly part time. My current job pays me fairly well, but it's a crap job and I'm never going to go anywhere in it. And this is where I've been for a couple of years. But I don't know what to do and I don't know how to get out of the rut. But I have to get out of it. I have to find a job that gives me something more than a paycheck. It might just be me sending my resume out and seeing what sticks, trying something in theatre production or management. Or maybe going back to school and looking into becoming a therapist. I don't know. But I have to do something and I have to do it soon. 'Cause I'm tired of being a slacker in a job that kind of embarrasses me and makes me angry way too often. And that's the one thing on this list I've made almost no progress on. But it's on the list. This anti-slacker list.

I'm never going to land a husband now, am I? Now you all know the truth? The bad housekeeping, the fat ass, the constant complaining. Dammit.